Can I Help You?

This is what I want to continue to ask my husband for the rest of our lives together. If I'm completely honest, I wouldn't say I have been a great "helpmeet" to D.R. in our 4+ years of marriage. We have had long seasons of "let's just get through this" times. When he was a grad student, his schedule demanded a lot of study time and I often felt like a college roomie just hoping to catch a bite to eat once in a while with him. It was just the way it was for those 27 months. And it was hard.

From the very beginning, a woman's purpose was clearly defined. God took a look at Adam and said, "it is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him" (Gen 2:18). But it's a cultural norm for us to associate weakness and even inferiority with the one who assists. No one wants to play second fiddle. But the fact is, without a second violin there is no harmony.

Eve failed to assist Adam in ruling and subduing the earth by submitting to Satan. We modern "Eve's" have failed too. Our task is to encourage our husbands to obey God's Word and will for their lives. This is so important and I'm learning that especially right now as He has us walking through a huge trial.

My husband has always been steady. A strong, constant, "we just keep trusting God" kind of man. He has always trusted that God would work things out for our good and His glory. I'm usually the one to worry and lose sleep over life's issues. But in the past month, it's D.R. that has been up when things are good and down when things aren't good. I have had the unique (and I mean unique b/c up until now I don't feel I have ever really been a true encourager as a wife) responsibility to build my husband up and tell him everything is going to be alright. But my attempts to console him were often met with depressing responses.

Finally I stopped offering advice and simply listened. The words he spoke were those of a man who had lost sight of what biblical ministry and being a believer is all about. A combination of the world's secular ideas coupled with his own fear of failure had propelled D.R. into a depressed state and temptation to forgo integrity. The conclusion he came to in his heart was, "God has called me to do something he hasn't given me the gifts to accomplish. Therefore, God is not good." His eyes read, "Danelle, what am I going to do?" I was heartbroken and yet thankful that God had given us this trial.

There have been a couple days when if I hadn't responded to his unbelieving statements with the gospel, it would have been all he needed to "hang it up". If I had joined him in bitter recriminations and complaints about our situation, he might have quit and spent the rest of his life attempting to prove his worth and God's injustice.

But, thanks to God, my answer was full of hope in God. "I don't know what you're going to do, but for right now, for tonight, hang on to my faith, because I believe. I believe that He loves us and is going to work through this experience. So hang on to my faith. I have enough for the both of us."

We are continuing to turn to the Bible, searching for God's view of success. Whether it be marriage, ministry or work, success is defined by knowing and obeying God's will as revealed in His Word.

This is the first time that I became aware of the powerful role I have as my husband's helper. I'm also discovering the beauty of gender roles. In John 4:16, Jesus comforts his disciples with the promise of the Holy Spirit, referring to Him as "another Helper". By addressing the Holy Spirit as a helper, Jesus forever elevated the position of the one who assists. Trace the Holy Spirit's actions in the New Testament, and you'll find the Spirit repeatedly encouraging, comforting, coming alongside, and helping. Things I can do! The work of the Holy Spirit, the Helper, is a beautiful thing! And us women are never more lovely than when we follow His example, cherishing our responsibility as helper. I don't ever want to resent or despise my role as helper. To help is divine.

I never want to question God's goodness and care for us. And I want to hold fast to my love and respect for D.R. I don't want to tolerate bad talk about him from my own lips or anyone else's. It's been a sweet thing to see my husband feel powerless and fall literally on his knees crying out to God for guidance. I'm sooooo thankful that I have a believing husband who is striving to trust in a very good God. He will take care of us. He will provide. I am so thankful that I have felt like a wife lately. I'm thankful for the power of praying for your husband. I believe this trial was intended to enrich my marriage and for that I am eternally grateful! What a precious, precious thing. Thank you, God.