That's where I was this past weekend. With 70 women in Dadeville, AL on Lake Martin in a cabin. It's the best weekend ever. I get to know women in our church that I don't hardly see otherwise and I get to BE known by those women. We sit around and drink gallons of coffee in our slippers and sweat pants, take walks around the lake, some take naps, some drive in town to Auburn and shop, some read, journal, exercise. I lead a barre-type class out on the back porch overlooking the lake. We used the railing as the "barre" and water bottles as our weights for arm warm-up. It was great. The retreat topic: "Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, Christ is the Fairest of them All". Here are some bullet points I want to remember and I thought you may like to think on.
* Who am I vs. Whose am I? Adoption & Identity.
* It's bigger than me. From the Westminster Catechism, "Those he justified, God makes partakers of the grace of adoption... we are enabled to cry "abba Father", are pitied, protected, provided for, and chastened by Him as a Father, yet never cast off, but sealed to the day of redemption, and inherit the promises, as heirs of everlasting salvation."
* In Adam, we are enemies of God. In Christ, we are reconciled to God.
* In Adam, we are condemned. In Christ, we are pardoned.
* In Adam, we are under wrath. In Christ, we are free from wrath.
* In Adam, we are slaves to sin. In Christ, we are slaves to righteousness.
* A man can merit hell but cannot merit heaven.
* In Adam, we are dead, In Christ we are alive. (Romans 6:23)
* We shrink our world down to the size of "us".
Practical Applications for Identity in Adoption:
You can only have 1 of two identities: In Adam or In Christ. (At ALL TIMES)
You will necessarily live out of your identity.
Your identity in Christ grants you all the rights and privileges of family membership.
Your identity in Christ produces certain obligations and responsibilities of family membership.
You did nothing to earn your identity and you can do nothing to lose it.
You are free from the penalty of sin, as well as the guilt and shame of it.
You are free from the power of sin, and no longer have to obey it but can FIGHT it.
You no longer have to be enslaved to "idol identities".
You belong to a very large family with many resources to help you in this short and uncertain life.
You have a future hope with God living forever with Jesus in heaven and on the new earth!
We are many things in different people's eyes. Like a meme on Facebook with pictures about who your mom thinks you are (angel halo), who your kids think you are (either Medusa or Superwoman), who your co-workers think you are....etc.. BUT...Who you really are is who you are at home. What you spend your time doing. What you worry about and think about. That's who you are.
We still have to actively FIGHT our flesh! When Christ saves us, Christ leads us out of a prison dungeon and into a boxing ring. But he gives us the "tools" we need to win. His Holy Spirit and His word.
There's a difference between pride and selfishness. Pride says I put myself above you. I demand your praise, adoration, respect. Selfishness says I put myself forward or before you. Manifested in self________ (loathing, esteem, examining)
God wants to give us a platform for His glory, not a pedestal for our pride.
Identifying Idols:
1. Anything in my life that takes the place of God.
2. Anything I worship more than God.
3. Anything other than God that is the primary focus of my delight.
4. Anything that consumes my spare thought life more than God, His Word, and matters of eternal significance.
5. Anything I am inordinately anxious or fearful about losing.
6. Anything I desire to seek refuge or relief in more than God and His Word.
7. Anything I trust more than I trust God.
An Idol is anything (even a good thing) that you crave so much that you are willing to sin in order to get it, or sin because you cannot have it. (Matthew 6:24-34, Luke 12:34, 1 Jn. 2:15-17)
"The sorrows of those will increase who run after other gods." Psalm 16:4
"You shall have NO other gods before me." Exodus 20:3
Common Identity Idols:
motherhood/children, material possessions, physical appearance, being a "good" Christian, godly wife/husband, career, volunteering/service, other people/approval "junkies"
You won't find "forgive yourself" in the Bible. You must accept Christ's forgiveness for your sin.
"Blessed is the (wo)man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers, but her delight is in the law of the Lord, and on His law, she meditates day and night." Psalm 1:1-2
"For the word of God is living and active; sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart." Hebrews 4:12
"But we all, with unveiled faces, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit." 2 Corinthians 3:18
Our identity is not as a victim (what's been done to us) but as a victor in Christ!
"You are fairer than the sons of men; grace is poured from your lips; Therefore God has blessed you forever." Psalm 45:2
We abandon our freedom in Christ by returning to the law. (I must have the perfect house to be hospitable, my children must act right, i must work-out to be attractive to my husband, I must get that promotion to live how I want to live)
"Christ Altogether Lovely" by Puritan John Flavel
1. Is Jesus Christ altogether lovely? Then I beseech you set your souls upon this lovely Jesus. I am sure such an object as has been here represented, would compel love from the coldest breast and hardest heart. Away with those empty nothings, away with this vain deceitful world, which deserves not the thousandth part of the love you give it. Let all stand aside and give way to Christ. O if only you knew his worth and excellency, what he is in himself, what he has done for you, and deserved from you, you would need no arguments of mine to persuade you to love him!
2. Esteem nothing lovely except as it is enjoyed in Christ, or used for the sake of Christ. Love nothing for itself, love nothing separate from Jesus Christ. In two things we all sin in love of created things, We sin in the excess of our affections, loving them above the proper value of mere created things. We also sin in the inordinacy of our affections, that is to say we give our love for created things a priority it should never have.
3. Let us all be humbled for the corruption of our hearts that are so eager in their affections for vanities and trifles and so hard to be persuaded to the love of Christ, who is altogether lovely. O how many pour out streams of love and delight upon the vain and empty created thing; while no arguments can drew forth one drop of love from their stubborn and unbelieving hearts to Jesus Christ! I have read of one Joannes Mollius, who was observed to go often alone, and weep bitterly; and being pressed by a friend to know the cause of his troubles, said "O! it grieves me that I cannot bring this heart of mine to love Jesus Christ more fervently."
4. Represent Christ to the world as he is, by your behavior towards him. Is he altogether lovely? Let all the world see and know that he is so, by your delights in him and communion with him; zeal for him, and readiness to part with any other lovely thing upon his account. Proclaim his excellencies to the world, as the spouse did in these verses. Persuade them how much your beloved is better than any other beloved. Show his glorious excellencies as you speak of him; hold him forth to others, as he is in himself; altogether lovely. See that you "walk worthy of him unto all well pleasing," Col. 1:10. "Show forth the praises of Christ." 1 Peter 2:19. Let not that "worthy name be blasphemed through you," James 2:7. He is glorious in himself, and he is sure to put glory upon you; take heed that you do not put shame and dishonor upon him; he has committed his honor to you, do not betray that trust.
5. Never be ashamed to be counted as a Christian; he is altogether lovely; he can never be a shame on you; it will be your great sin to be ashamed of him. Some men glory in their shame; do not let yourself be ashamed of your glory. If you will be ashamed of Christ now, he will be ashamed of you when he shall appear in his own glory, and the glory of all his holy angels. Be ashamed of nothing but sin; and among other sins, be ashamed especially for this sin, that you have no more love for him who is altogether lovely.
6. Be willing to leave every thing that is lovely upon earth, in order that you may be with the altogether lovely Lord Jesus Christ in heaven. Lift up your voices with the bride, Rev. 20:20 "Come Lord Jesus, come quickly." It is true, you must pass through the pangs of death into his intimacy and enjoyment; but surely it is worth suffering much more than that to be with this lovely Jesus. "The Lord direct your hearts into the love of God, and the patient waiting for Jesus Christ," 2 Thess. 3:5
7. Let the loveliness of Christ draw all men to him. Is loveliness in the creature so attractive? And can the transcendent loveliness of Christ draw none? O the blindness of man! If you see no beauty in Christ that causes you to desire him, it is because that god of this world has blinded your minds.
8. Strive to be Christ-like, if ever you would be lovely in the eyes of God and man. Certainly, my brethren, it is only the Spirit of Christ within you, and the beauty of Christ upon you, which can make you lovely persons. The more you resemble him in holiness, the more you will show of true excellence and loveliness; and the more frequent and spiritual your communication and communion with Christ is, the more the beauty and loveliness of Christ will be stamped upon your spirits, changing you into the same image, from glory to glory. Amen.
Self-esteem/self-image does NOT exist in the Bible.
Happiness is not related so much to how you esteem yourself but how you esteem others. (Philippians 2:3-4)
Ultimately, every judgment you make about yourself reveals what is rooted in your understanding or lack of understanding of the Scriptures and your identity in Christ.
"In 1 Corinthians 4, Paul says 'I don't care that much about my opinion' - and that is the secret. A truly gospel-humble person is not a self-hating person or a self-loving person, but a gospel-humble person. The truly gospel-humble person is a self-forgetful person whose ego is just like his or her toes. It just works. It does not draw attention to itself. The toes just work; the ego just works. Neither draws attention to itself." -Tim Keller
Being at retreats like this one always makes me feel the most vulnerable version of myself. I tell myself time and again, "i'm not going to unload my crap to women I don't talk to on a daily or even weekly basis." But like the bag of Dove dark chocolates in my pantry, I give in every time. Because it feels right. Because it's freeing to speak out loud, to someone else, the fears and questions that roam my mind day in and day out. Because women need women- to be honest, to be comforted, to get us out of our own little "woe-is-me" worlds and say "yep... me too", to affirm and debunk lies we believe. The little girl inside of all of us competes with one another. But the woman who is in Christ, uses her godly friendships to empower others. I listened to countless women share their hearts this past weekend.All ages- from 20-70. Stories of broken marriages: loneliness felt INSIDE marriage for years, life-threatening illnesses of children and elder parents, miscarriages and "we're almost 40 and 'surprise!' pregnant. what are we gonna do now?", of leaving a career of 20+ years as a dance studio owner/director behind- finding new identity where it should've always been- in Christ. So many journeys, so many heartaches, so many question marks. But the one sure hope we all have is that we are daughters of the One True King. We have a good Father who provides and protects and shows us the next step. I love the way that God has created us- to comfort one another in our sorrows. God uses the struggles we've been through so that we can comfort those in the same affliction. My season of waiting for a child is not in vain.
I know years from now, when I'm holding my child, biological with my eyes and D.R.'s ears, or adopted with someone else's features but our last name, I will think back to this time of waiting....and I will rejoice in God's goodness. I will cry...hard, thankful tears for the child (or children) that have been entrusted to us. I won't feel worthy of them. Most days I'll probably take them for granted. I'll forget how much I prayed for and longed for them. But I hope, at the end of each day I'm feel immensely thankful for those blessings. Right now, my blessings are many....many. Childless yes, but joyless not even close. The devil cannot steal my joy by making me believe that "if you just fertile and had babies, you'd be a better woman, Christian, wife." Life is now. Life is happening to me now. I don't want to look back and see an angry, discontent woman who inwardly had a vendetta against God. No, I want to savor the now. To savor Valentine's Day with my husband- to go out to dinner in my maroon leather dress (yes, I'm wearing that Friday) and eat goat cheese, sun-dried tomato chicken, lemon orzo soup, chocolate mousse pie and drink a good pinot noir at our favorite restaurant. Then to come home and change into our "lounge clothes" and cuddle on the couch, and watch The Walking Dead. And know that this is God's version of "perfect" for me right now.
And that's just fine with me.
And now a photo dump from the past few months:
Jaxson (8 mo.) and I at Two Georges restaurant on December 29, 2013. I just love him.
