I saw the movie Fireproof with my husband a while back. I, for one, knew it would be excellent. My husband, on the other hand, wasn't so confident. But to his pleasant surprise he enjoyed it; maybe even got a little teary eyed... ok maybe not. That was me, 80% of the time.
My heart was in my throat for most of the movie not because it was "sweet" or "romantic" or anything the typical woman would say; but because I saw my own sin once again displayed in the movie couple's marriage. I've only been married for a little over a year, but during that time my life has been challenged far more than the rest of my 23 years. You see, I entered a battle field in August of 2007 when I vowed to love & cherish, for better or worse, another fleshy human until I die. Only in hindsight am I realizing that it takes a lot more effort on my part & a lot more calling on God to make it work. My life has been relatively smooth sailing pre-marriage No deaths in the family, no divorce, no hospital visits, no serious illness, no big challenges to speak of. So, God thought it was time for me to be challenged. Really challenged. Along came D.R. McNew.
If you look up the word selfish in the dictionary you might find my name. It’s not easy to share! Any married person who is striving to love and respect their spouse would agree with me. You’re raised to be independent & make independent decisions: make good grades, get into college, find a decent job, support yourself, reward yourself....... And then you get married. No longer can you just choose the kind of cereal you like or sleep with the room temperature just the way you like or watch chick flicks anytime you want; not that this is true all the time. Now you have to consider another person’s needs and wants above your own. You have to choose to treasure what they treasure; place value on what they are passionate about. It’s easy to assume they enjoy everything you enjoy; that’s the selfishness again.
Marriage is too often looked at as a 50:50 relationship. “You do your part and I’ll do mine and we’ll meet in the middle.” But this is a recipe for divorce. Only being responsible for ½ the work leaves you expecting the other ½ from your partner and when they don’t come through, you’re disappointed and angry. This is not the formula God prescribed for marriage. I am learning that if I have expectations of my husband, he will always fall short. If I choose to concentrate on what I believe he should accomplish for our marriage, then I’m failing in my role as a wife. I am responsible for myself and I am accountable to God. 1 Peter 3:1-2 says “Wives, …be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.” I love that it says without words. We women use our words as a weapon and more often as a shield against our husbands. It’s a challenge to just be quiet but this is what Peter says we are to do. And our husbands will see the reverence not just to them but to GOD when we do so!
The best thing about marriage, because there is a long list of great aspects, is the chance to become more Christ-like. Within marriage there is the opportunity to be known. This is scary but necessary in order to be made new in Christ. I never realized how many secret sins were kept in my heart until I was married. Praise the Lord for using our spouse to “find us out”. Only when our sin is exposed to the light do we have a chance to be free of it. I’m humbled over and over again. Each time I’m like, “crap, I suck” and then it’s my responsibility to change.
In the movie, there is a line that Kirk Cameron says to his dad about his wife when they are taking a walk : “How can I keep loving someone who spits in my face and rejects me over and over again?” This part of the movie was so powerful. The dad then reminds him that this is what Christ does for us. It was such a beautiful reminder of how much our Savior loves us despite our rejection of Him. Won’t you love your spouse in the same way?
Isn't marriage a wonderful tool towards the sanctifying process??? I quickly learned that marriage was NOT what I thought it would be...hard. I had a very old and wise professor at Covenant that would always say marriage is 100% and 100%, however he would always say that the man DOES have another 100% which is the leadership/responsibility aspect. (I always liked that part :p) I have seen so much about myself that is really ugly since being married. Sins that were always there but took marriage to show them in all the "glory." Thanks again for another great post:) Love you girl!
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