Forced Apology

"I will sing of the Lord's great love forever; with my mouth I will make Your faithfulness known through all generations." Psalm 89:1

"Observe...all the commands I'm giving you...teach them to your children; talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down & when you get up." Deuteronomy 11:8a,19

"But because of your stubbornness and your unrepentant heart, you are storing up wrath against yourself for the day of God's wrath, when His righteous judgment will be revealed." Romans 2:5

Ok now let me share how these verses are directly correlated to what the Lord has been teaching me lately.

This past weekend was my grandfather's 90th birthday. So DR & I packed the car and headed north 7 hours to Chattanooga, TN for a short but sweet 2 days. My dad & aunt planned a birthday celebration for papa on Saturday with old friends, new friends and family. Good Tennessee BBQ, a gospel quartet, a slide slow of papa's life and lots of rich conversation. It was a blessed time celebrating his 90 years. I was looking forward to spending time with papa this weekend: to hear about what the Lord has done over 9 decades, two marriages, 3 kids, 6 grandkids and a growing number of great-grandkids. After the party, I snuck in a few sweet minutes with papa as he told me about both love & sorrow he's experienced in his life.

Unexpectedly he opened up his heart about his marriage with my grandmother. She was a woman of high expectation. He spoke of her impecable ability to keep a house tidy and efficient. He praised her for being a wonderful mother to their three children and for being involved at church. But then he told me something that made his face turn very sad. He said, "Danelle, never once during our 65 years of marriage did she admit she was wrong and apologize." WHAT? I said back to him. "Really? wow" He said he believes the Lord enabled him to have an extra dose of patience to stay faithful to her. "Many men would've left."

Well, YEA! Geez, I was so hurt for him thinking of all those years never hearing the words, "I'm sorry honey. Please forgive me." NEVER. I mean how did the woman call herself a Christian? How she could live with herself feeling no remorse after saying cruel words or doing cruel actions is beyond me.

He recalled a time when he threw her a surprise party with family and friends and directly after the party she told him if he ever did something like that again, she would leave him. She never wanted to be the center of attention but man....what a threat! Papa said he felt he could never "do" for ma (my name for my grandmother). She was self-sufficient, independant and worse...unrepentant.

It's a sad & frustrating thing to be around someone who is never sorry for the wrong they commit. Admittedly, I have developed a bad habit of not apologizing immediately after I wrong D.R. He has to bring it back up and then I apologize. Of course it's not real or heart-felt. I'm a stubborn booger sometimes! I've had an unrepentant heart lately. I don't want to own up to that harsh thing I said or did. I justify in my mind that I'm not wrong b/c he too said something or did something wrong. Like a two year old, I pretend like the offended person will just forget it and come love on me! Wrong. I don't think it's a coincidence that God allowed papa & I to have that short conversation about ma this past weekend to open my eyes to my own unrepentant heart with my husband. I do not want to be an 80 year old who has sown pride so deep down in her heart that she is unable to let another point out her sin. Lord, please break the generational sin of pride & unrepentance with me!

The verse from Deuteronomy has been a great reminder of how I'm supposed to parent one day. I'm thankful to have a mother & father who've pointed me towards the commands of God & how to keep all of them. The verse in Psalm 89 reminds me that I must sing of God's faithfulness my whole life long and to all generations, not just my children but my children's children and their children. Papa has done this and I'm so thankful.

The verse in Romans is a warning to heed. I don't want to store up wrath for myself by not repenting. No thanks. But man! That is the seriousness of it! I'm storing up wrath (which I deserve) for myself from a just God when I'm stone cold and refuse to repent.

Generational sin is real. I've seen it in my family and others. Find out what it is in your family and ask the Lord to let it end with you.

Papa experienced years of disunity in his marriage simply b/c ma was unwilling to have a repentant heart. Years after my grandmother passed, papa married another woman who was more than gracious in word and deed. God gave papa a few years of romance. love and appreciation in his marriage with Mary. I'm so thankful for those years he had with her before she also passed.

All for now. :)

Grace & Peace.