I just finished reading my family/friend's blog on her recent heartache of having a miscarriage. She's one of several of my friends that have experienced this pain in 2013. And while I wait on God's timing to get pregnant, I hurt for their loss. I don't understand miscarriage. Why would God allow life to be conceived in the womb only to take that child straight to heaven? But then, there is a lot I don't understand about how God works. He has a much larger plan in the works than my life will ever scratch the surface of. I do know that He redeems all things. His mercies are new every morning and he is the giver of good gifts. So with these scriptural promises, I will step into 2014 with faith for a bright (and hopefully fertile) future. But baby or no baby in 2014, I want to be more self-less. I am sick of my mirror. Sick of thinking about me. Sick of self-"esteem", self-examination, self-glorification, self-deprecation, selfies!!!!! yuck. Too much of my day is spent thinking about me. Here's to a new year of serving others. Of serving my husband and my church body. Of investing in my clients and working hard to give them the best work-out and feeling of success. Here's to crying and then laughing when I park in a tow-away zone and have to pay $250 to reclaim my vehicle. (just happened- merry christmas to me) Here's to taking more pride in my home- the simple joy of having clean bathrooms and clean sheets on the bed. Here's to not pretending.... to be good at ultimate frisbee with the youth kids, that I'm strong enough to carry in every grocery bag in one trip (like why can't I just go back out there?), in the bedroom...you know what I'm sayin'. I pray in 2014 I will know and feel God's love for me so much more than I have in 2013. He is the same God- loving, comforting, tender, guiding but I admit that I have not sought his fatherly love enough this year. But even still, He pursues me and my soul feels awakened to my need for Him. Like being in a deep slumber, my heart feels like it's coming out of a dark cave where I hid and settled for a slew of "self-help books" instead of the one true Guiding Light and Lover of my soul. And praise be to God that He neither slumbers nor sleeps. He keeps my life from evil like Psalm 121 says. The evil I have felt this year comes from my own selfish, self-sufficient heart. This past Sunday, my youth pastor, a dear friend, and the man who officiated our wedding, preached at my hometown church. He lives in Nashville now and was in town for the same wedding we attended on Saturday. It was a real nostalgic treat to be with him, his wife Holly, and a bunch of "youth kids" I was in youth group with that were also in town for Jessica's wedding. Rob preached from Matthew 5:1-3, the sermon on the mount. One of my favorite speeches from Jesus himself. He gathers together these 12 men to be his followers, his close friends and instead of telling them, "ya'll are great. you really have that 'something' that draws people to you. you are handsome. you are smart." NO. He says, basically, "you are weak. you are pathetic. you can't do anything right on your own." Weakness is the path to heaven. That's what Rob kept repeating on Sunday. He gave a funny and personal example of his 2+ weeks of travel with his wife, two boys and 5 mo. old little girl from Nashville to Orlando to Venice, FL to visit his mom who has Lou Gehrig's disease, to West Palm for a wedding, then back home to Nashville. He shared how 5 days before the trip, Holly came down with the flu. Fever, cough, vomit, cold. The whole 9 yards- flu. She was down for the count for 4+ days and Rob had to be "mom" and dad during that time. With several LOL moments, he illustrated that God was reminding him that he is weak. He is pathetic and he can't do anything right on his own. (and that Holly is a rockstar) He's right. We are helpless. I can't make my body produce a baby. I can't make my husband's anxiety dissipate at work. I can't make West Palm and Columbus be neighbors. I can't. I can't. I can't. I'm not in control of my own life. Every good thing I do and have is because the Lord gave/did it. Every bad thing that happens is a result of my stupidity and sin. Period.
As I've said before, my deepest desire right now is to have a child. I want to care for and bring up children to know and love the Lord and be a light for the Lord to others. But I know that I can't go to the store and pick out a baby tomorrow like I would a new pair of running shoes. It takes prayer and time and faith. My sister asked me a question while I was home that I have been thinking about a lot. It's a great shift in perspective. We stole away for a quick run to have some sister talk time. And we talked about everything. Her life as a new mom, our churches, mom and dad, our husbands jobs and our husbands :) , our body issues, our decorating issues, our judgmental tendencies and food. Then she said,
"Danelle, do you want to have offspring? or do you want to be a parent? What's the ultimate goal?" I had never thought about it like that. It was like a cloud lifted. You'd've thought that I had just seen that extra pink line on a pregnancy test. It was like a cloud lifted and I stood up a little taller. I don't know why I have never thought about it that way. Adoption and fostering has always been in the back of my mind as an option. Of course! What believer wouldn't adopt if they couldn't have children- or even if they could? DR & I haven't talked much about it but it's on our minds and hearts. We are not very far along this journey of trying to get pregnant and I don't know when or if we should explore adoption/fostering but I am praying about it. If my ultimate goal is to shepherd little souls toward loving and knowing my Creator, then the means of how I get that privilege should be in God's hands.
I have a few friends in Columbus who foster or adopt and I am going to have coffee with them in the coming months. Who knows what 2014 will bring. It's a certainty that it will bring both joy and sorrow as our marriage life verse says, (2 Cor. 6:10). I want to trust God through both seasons knowing that He works ALL things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purposes. AND that He withholds no good thing from those whose walk is blameless (Psalm 84:11)
I will trust my King.
He's always been faithful to me.
Thursday, January 2, 2014
Saturday, December 14, 2013
Practicing "enough"
This time of year, it's easy to think "more is better". We are bombarded with BIGGER discounts and BIGGER Christmas trees and BIGGER computer screens. BIGGER amounts of sugar and BIGGER cups of Starbucks coffee. If a little is good, more must be better right?
I'm going to borrow some words from my friend (well she feels like a close friend. the way she writes is so "in my head"-- the words I say to myself but don't seem to know how to get out.) Shauna Niequist is the author of this book, "Bittersweet" that I'm reading. It's touching some tender places in my heart that don't like to be touched. On a daily basis, not even my husband knows the depth of the intimate struggles of my heart. I want to share them with him but I don't. And part of me doesn't want to share them with him. Because then I'm known- then I'm accountable. Then I'm a little more free to let myself off the hook or ask for forgiveness. All things I NEED...but I'm too prideful to seek. So they remain between God & I which is the most transformative place. He knows these tired old struggles. He hears me "speak" them to myself every day. A small example...the dilemma every morning, "should I have cereal this morning or a smoothie and eggs? If I have cereal I need to run. If I have eggs I can do a lighter work out. Ooo...poptarts. Maybe I'll break off a piece of one. I'll play dumb with the calorie count. There's 10 calories per pop tart right? Coffee... creamer? no. Oh, gotta get my morning scoop of mini-marshmellows and semi-sweet morsels b/c I can't seem to go into the pantry JUST for cereal. I'm sidetracked every. single. time. Darn sugar allure. Ok, arugala with fruit and nuts on it for lunch."
Here's Shauna, "I think I may have a larger appetite than most people. I mean that in terms of food, certainly, and in terms of absolutely everything else, too. I want more food, more time, more people, more places, more parties, more everything. More is a big theme in my life. Other themes in the same vein: hungry, insatiable, and gluttonous. I'm pretty certain that I could out-eat most women my size. I'm ravenous in all sorts of ways. I love it when a day's activities stack up on top of each other perfectly, from breakfast to work to lunch to grocery shopping to coffee, all the way through till I fall into bed. I love days when you're always leaving something early to arrive just a touch late at the next place, like pearls on a string of Tarzan swinging on vines, feet never touching the ground. Or really, I love the idea of that way of living, so I sign myself up for it every chance I get. And then I realize in the moment that it isn't what I wanted at all. After a while, I'm frantic and tired and not really listening when people are talking. I'm frazzled and frustrated that Henry doesn't want to get in the car again, but of course he doesn't. Why would he want to get dragged around on the crazy whirlwind that I think will keep me happy?
I've been around this block a thousand times. I'm ravenous, and life looks to me so sparky and beautiful, waiting to be devoured like a perfect apple. So I say yes, yes to everything, to that meal and that event and that trip and that person. It's so delicious, and I don't want to miss out on even one moment of it. And that's the point: I miss all sorts of sacred and significant moments, because of my frantic insistence that I can do it all, and that I don't have to miss anything. I run from thing to thing, and tI fall into bed at night without even the space to think about the day. I wake up again to start it all over: more people, more food, more play, more ideas, more books. I'm ravenous, and somewhere along the way what started as a clean and lovely lust for life crosses over into a cycle of frantic activity, without should of connection. I'm surprised every time. How did I get here again? Don't I know better than this?
I'm looking a little deeper these days at this feeling: where did it come from? What's it about? Is there something better than more? I think that our deepest darknesses are always the other side of the coin of our brightest selves. I think exuberance and celebration are wonderful things and I'm thankful for the ways that they play out in my life. But there's a darkness under that shimmer, and it keeps me exhausted and running, year after year, always thinking that maybe this time, maybe this time, I can fit it all in, and nothing will fall through my fingers.
And now it's December again, and just like every time I slip into believing that more is better. That if one dinner party is good, two is better, that if one caramel is good, four is much better, that if staying up to read for an hour is good, then all night is even better. But I keep coming back to the old cliche, less is more. Coco Chanel, the queen of all chic, famously said that before you leave your house, you should remove one item. Not like your pants. Like a necklace or scarf. I'm pretty good about this from a fashion standpoint. But in my life, I'm a more is more girl, and I'm struggling to make the change.
I want to really notice each meal, each bite, each conversation, instead of shoving food in my mouth, running out the door, promising someone we'll connect again soon. I can always tell I'm on thin ice when my list of promises becomes way too long. I have so many intentions and plans, but I lose the ability to listen, to stay, to connect. I'm embarrassed that I fall for it every time, that even this month I've been more ravenous and gluttonous than I'm proud of. Less is more is a great idea, but you wouldn't know that from my calendar.
We all have a kooky set of fears and loves that makes us do what we do. For me, I love experiences, and it makes me scared to think of missing out on anything at all. So that fear drives me and takes over my life, pushing me to do more, buy more, eat more, try more. But I don't want to be ruled by fears. There will be more life to experience tomorrow. And the next day, and the next day. And I don't have to be running after it all the time. Breathe, rest, practice the idea of enough. Practice the idea of living well, and a little more slowly. Practice believing that it will all still be here, waiting to be devoured freshly, after a good night's sleep.
I don't know the way through to the other side on this one, but I do know that I don't want to be ruled by ravenous anymore, and that full life is not the same as a full calendar. Full life is lived when the whole system works together, when rest and home and peace live hand in hand with taste and sparkle and go. I've believed in the craziness for too many years, and while I still have a lot of questions, the answer I need to be giving most often these days is NO."
I'm going to borrow some words from my friend (well she feels like a close friend. the way she writes is so "in my head"-- the words I say to myself but don't seem to know how to get out.) Shauna Niequist is the author of this book, "Bittersweet" that I'm reading. It's touching some tender places in my heart that don't like to be touched. On a daily basis, not even my husband knows the depth of the intimate struggles of my heart. I want to share them with him but I don't. And part of me doesn't want to share them with him. Because then I'm known- then I'm accountable. Then I'm a little more free to let myself off the hook or ask for forgiveness. All things I NEED...but I'm too prideful to seek. So they remain between God & I which is the most transformative place. He knows these tired old struggles. He hears me "speak" them to myself every day. A small example...the dilemma every morning, "should I have cereal this morning or a smoothie and eggs? If I have cereal I need to run. If I have eggs I can do a lighter work out. Ooo...poptarts. Maybe I'll break off a piece of one. I'll play dumb with the calorie count. There's 10 calories per pop tart right? Coffee... creamer? no. Oh, gotta get my morning scoop of mini-marshmellows and semi-sweet morsels b/c I can't seem to go into the pantry JUST for cereal. I'm sidetracked every. single. time. Darn sugar allure. Ok, arugala with fruit and nuts on it for lunch."
Here's Shauna, "I think I may have a larger appetite than most people. I mean that in terms of food, certainly, and in terms of absolutely everything else, too. I want more food, more time, more people, more places, more parties, more everything. More is a big theme in my life. Other themes in the same vein: hungry, insatiable, and gluttonous. I'm pretty certain that I could out-eat most women my size. I'm ravenous in all sorts of ways. I love it when a day's activities stack up on top of each other perfectly, from breakfast to work to lunch to grocery shopping to coffee, all the way through till I fall into bed. I love days when you're always leaving something early to arrive just a touch late at the next place, like pearls on a string of Tarzan swinging on vines, feet never touching the ground. Or really, I love the idea of that way of living, so I sign myself up for it every chance I get. And then I realize in the moment that it isn't what I wanted at all. After a while, I'm frantic and tired and not really listening when people are talking. I'm frazzled and frustrated that Henry doesn't want to get in the car again, but of course he doesn't. Why would he want to get dragged around on the crazy whirlwind that I think will keep me happy?
I've been around this block a thousand times. I'm ravenous, and life looks to me so sparky and beautiful, waiting to be devoured like a perfect apple. So I say yes, yes to everything, to that meal and that event and that trip and that person. It's so delicious, and I don't want to miss out on even one moment of it. And that's the point: I miss all sorts of sacred and significant moments, because of my frantic insistence that I can do it all, and that I don't have to miss anything. I run from thing to thing, and tI fall into bed at night without even the space to think about the day. I wake up again to start it all over: more people, more food, more play, more ideas, more books. I'm ravenous, and somewhere along the way what started as a clean and lovely lust for life crosses over into a cycle of frantic activity, without should of connection. I'm surprised every time. How did I get here again? Don't I know better than this?
I'm looking a little deeper these days at this feeling: where did it come from? What's it about? Is there something better than more? I think that our deepest darknesses are always the other side of the coin of our brightest selves. I think exuberance and celebration are wonderful things and I'm thankful for the ways that they play out in my life. But there's a darkness under that shimmer, and it keeps me exhausted and running, year after year, always thinking that maybe this time, maybe this time, I can fit it all in, and nothing will fall through my fingers.
And now it's December again, and just like every time I slip into believing that more is better. That if one dinner party is good, two is better, that if one caramel is good, four is much better, that if staying up to read for an hour is good, then all night is even better. But I keep coming back to the old cliche, less is more. Coco Chanel, the queen of all chic, famously said that before you leave your house, you should remove one item. Not like your pants. Like a necklace or scarf. I'm pretty good about this from a fashion standpoint. But in my life, I'm a more is more girl, and I'm struggling to make the change.
I want to really notice each meal, each bite, each conversation, instead of shoving food in my mouth, running out the door, promising someone we'll connect again soon. I can always tell I'm on thin ice when my list of promises becomes way too long. I have so many intentions and plans, but I lose the ability to listen, to stay, to connect. I'm embarrassed that I fall for it every time, that even this month I've been more ravenous and gluttonous than I'm proud of. Less is more is a great idea, but you wouldn't know that from my calendar.
We all have a kooky set of fears and loves that makes us do what we do. For me, I love experiences, and it makes me scared to think of missing out on anything at all. So that fear drives me and takes over my life, pushing me to do more, buy more, eat more, try more. But I don't want to be ruled by fears. There will be more life to experience tomorrow. And the next day, and the next day. And I don't have to be running after it all the time. Breathe, rest, practice the idea of enough. Practice the idea of living well, and a little more slowly. Practice believing that it will all still be here, waiting to be devoured freshly, after a good night's sleep.
I don't know the way through to the other side on this one, but I do know that I don't want to be ruled by ravenous anymore, and that full life is not the same as a full calendar. Full life is lived when the whole system works together, when rest and home and peace live hand in hand with taste and sparkle and go. I've believed in the craziness for too many years, and while I still have a lot of questions, the answer I need to be giving most often these days is NO."
Monday, October 14, 2013
Mean girls and my mom's example
I was picked on in middle school. I was the short, seemingly-quiet girl who tried to get along with everyone. I had a couple closer friends who were on the cheerleading squad with me but at times I even felt I was the object of ridicule to them too. I can remember wearing overalls to school the first week of 7th grade and being called all kinds of names. I became very insecure around 6th grade. Up until then, I believe I acted silly with abandon. Just plain, pre-adolescent silly girl all the time. Then I noticed that other girls didn't act that way and the boys liked them. The boys at my middle school seemed to like the mean girls. The girls that put others down to make them look and feel better about themselves. Maybe those boys were scared to be put in the "picked on pile" so they became one of her minions. I think about their mothers now. Did their mothers know that they acted so mean to others at school? Did they think it was funny? Were they mean moms? Maybe the girls were just modeling what they saw at home. It makes me think about my mom back then. She was kind. She was fun. Always giving encouraging words and smiles. My house was always filled with praise and worship songs- sometimes just by the sound of my mom's voice. My mom always welcomed our friends over and made extra food if someone showed up unannounced. I don't recall my mom talking about other women behind their back or comparing herself with others. If she did, Kirstie & I weren't around. I respect my mom a lot for that,.... now that I think about it. She was a devoted wife and mother who tried to teach her girls to love others unconditionally. Everyone wants to be friends with the pretty girl, because, well, she's pretty. But I remember my mom's friends (not that they weren't all attractive in their own way). They weren't the cheerleading squad from back when. Some were overweight, un-athletic, shy, loud. But they were all fun and kind and shared a love for Christ, the church and each other. Looking back, I realize how devoted a friend my mom was. I grew up with three very close friends- all of whom had mother's that were best friends with my mom. They did life together. Made mistakes together. Sweet, messy friendships held together by God's grace. Young, clueless moms navigating life together. (will their husbands too :)) My mom and those women raised kind, respectful daughters. Women (now) who love Jesus, have faithful friends and are marrying Godly men. It's a picture of generational faithfulness. Looking back, I can see how God was using my mom to instill the fruits of the spirit into my heart.
Love.
Joy.
Peace.
Patience.
Kindness.
Goodness.
Faithfulness.
Gentleness.
Self Control.
Of course, the Holy Spirit had to come into my heart in order for me to show any of these things in my own life. They are fruit OF the Spirit- given by the Holy Spirit. I saw those in mom. Not always. Not all of them- everyday. But she lived her life trying to be those things.
I think about one day when I have children. How important it is to be loving, joyful (despite sucky circumstances), peaceable, kind, good, faithful, gentle (in word and deed) and self-controlled (BIG one! ex. with time, with food, with finances, with exercise, with... everything). How important it is to teach them to be those things to others. To love everyone despite what they look like, or talk like or smell like. Middle school is rough. Everything about middle school is hard. You're changing from head to toe- inside and out. You start getting pimples, you get your period, you get a boyfriend, you get a bad grade, you get picked last, you don't get a date to the dance, you feel the pressure to shop at certain stores (5.7.9 anyone??), you put wayyy to much emphasis on pop songs lyrics. (I waited by the radio with my pointer finger on the record button for "Spider Webs" by No Doubt... sometimes for an hour. No joke) I made some of most embarrassing memories of my life in 6-8th grade. Attention-seeking behavior galore! (that's another post for another time) I want my future children to know that they can be silly and goofy way into their young teens. Because they are fearfully and wonderfully made, and Christ died to be their perfect example of all the fruits of the spirit. He died for their effort to TRY to be as perfect as Him. I pray they discover and know the depth of His grace and mercy for them. That they can't buy His love. They don't have to impress Him by wearing certain things or saying certain things. They can rest, knowing that they are enough because Christ's death was MORE than enough to pay for their "coming-up-short". I hope I can be that mom one day. I hope I will feel the weight of responsibility in modeling Godliness with contentment. To not love money and have to have the next, new thing all the time. To not be model-thin or try to attain an unrealistic goal. To not speak harshly against others (especially women) revealing my insecure and judgmental heart. To keep my word when I promise things. To be humble enough to apologize to my children when I'm wrong. What a powerful example of humility/repentance and our need for forgiveness DAILY from our Savior. I pray I will have the joy of being a mom- to shepherd little souls and (Lord willing) expand the Kingdom.
Mean girls come from mean moms. Mean boys come from domineering dads. I just know it. I praise God for my parent's example. I pray I can be such an example.
And just because I know some of you were wanting a blast from the past!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sKCzYOFAqxU
Love.
Joy.
Peace.
Patience.
Kindness.
Goodness.
Faithfulness.
Gentleness.
Self Control.
Of course, the Holy Spirit had to come into my heart in order for me to show any of these things in my own life. They are fruit OF the Spirit- given by the Holy Spirit. I saw those in mom. Not always. Not all of them- everyday. But she lived her life trying to be those things.
I think about one day when I have children. How important it is to be loving, joyful (despite sucky circumstances), peaceable, kind, good, faithful, gentle (in word and deed) and self-controlled (BIG one! ex. with time, with food, with finances, with exercise, with... everything). How important it is to teach them to be those things to others. To love everyone despite what they look like, or talk like or smell like. Middle school is rough. Everything about middle school is hard. You're changing from head to toe- inside and out. You start getting pimples, you get your period, you get a boyfriend, you get a bad grade, you get picked last, you don't get a date to the dance, you feel the pressure to shop at certain stores (5.7.9 anyone??), you put wayyy to much emphasis on pop songs lyrics. (I waited by the radio with my pointer finger on the record button for "Spider Webs" by No Doubt... sometimes for an hour. No joke) I made some of most embarrassing memories of my life in 6-8th grade. Attention-seeking behavior galore! (that's another post for another time) I want my future children to know that they can be silly and goofy way into their young teens. Because they are fearfully and wonderfully made, and Christ died to be their perfect example of all the fruits of the spirit. He died for their effort to TRY to be as perfect as Him. I pray they discover and know the depth of His grace and mercy for them. That they can't buy His love. They don't have to impress Him by wearing certain things or saying certain things. They can rest, knowing that they are enough because Christ's death was MORE than enough to pay for their "coming-up-short". I hope I can be that mom one day. I hope I will feel the weight of responsibility in modeling Godliness with contentment. To not love money and have to have the next, new thing all the time. To not be model-thin or try to attain an unrealistic goal. To not speak harshly against others (especially women) revealing my insecure and judgmental heart. To keep my word when I promise things. To be humble enough to apologize to my children when I'm wrong. What a powerful example of humility/repentance and our need for forgiveness DAILY from our Savior. I pray I will have the joy of being a mom- to shepherd little souls and (Lord willing) expand the Kingdom.
Mean girls come from mean moms. Mean boys come from domineering dads. I just know it. I praise God for my parent's example. I pray I can be such an example.
And just because I know some of you were wanting a blast from the past!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sKCzYOFAqxU
Friday, August 23, 2013
Europe through my senses
Hi blog friends. It's been a while. I've had hundreds of little moments when I experience something great, something memorable, and I want to run to the nearest computer to type it out so I'll remember that place in time and what happened. But I didn't. And that's life. You can't capture it on these pages because it happens without your notice or your permission. And it's beautiful and devastating, sometimes all at once.
The most recent memorable happening was going to Europe for two weeks with DR. While there, DR kept an electronic journal of our trip. Our daily adventure mapped out step by step with name of places and people we saw and what the weather was like.
My experience of Europe is in my nostrils and taste buds , and in my eyeballs and on the edge of my fingertips and at certain times like a grip on my heart. The tastes, smells, sounds, and sights are what I remember and what I daily documented in my mind. In London, the dominant sense was sight. Everywhere you look- fantasticness. The Buckingham palace was larger and way closer to the public street than I imagined. The British guards were every bit as still and stoic as I thought they'd be. Wherever we went, the tip of Big Ben (which to the British is the Elizabeth Tower) never escaped my sight. It was my reference point (if ever I had one- DR would say I never did) of where we were. The hustle and bustle of the Covent gardens and Westminster area was exciting and Times Square-esque. And then the quiet and quaintness of Notting Hill and Bayswater was a refreshing escape for dinner on our last night. I never did order a London Fog although I knew what it was and that made me feel a little bit British. The pace of the Tube- London's metro system is intense. If you don't know where you're headed you betta step aside. Enter American tourists with Canon around neck and open map with deer in head lights look on face. Ok, ok that was usually just me. DR did a fantastic job of navigating when we weren't with our guided tour. I chuckled inside every time I heard "Mind the Gap" (the space between the metro edge and the tube) Oh, and our guide always said "Time to Toodle" when it was time to move on to a new location. Loved it.
Paris was a feast for the senses in every way. The steely Eiffel Tower, the clean white Arc de Triomphe, the wafting of sweet and savory crepes being sold along the street, the buttery croissants and homemade jam, the glimmering champs de élysées shopping street which every designer known to man, the seemingly "care-free-ness" of the people. Everything about Paris feels magical. On the first night we had creme brûlée- so good. We took a bike ride on our second day and it was such a fun way to see Paris. I loved moving at our own pace, wizzing through the streets and stopping to take pictures of gardens and monuments, getting a Nutella crepe, and putting a lock on the Pont des Arts or Pont de l'Archevêché bridge. (Can't remember which one it was) Read here about the lock. Aaah Paris, I love you. I hope to see you again in 4 years perhaps for our 10 yr anniversary or for our 20th. Either way, Lord willing, we will meet again. You bring the champagne and sweets, I'll bring the $$.
Switzerland was hands down the most beautiful place I'd ever seen. Neat and clean and shiny. I thought seriously about waking up at 5 and going for a run along Lake Lucerne but then I rethunk it when we stayed up until 12:30 wandering the streets just talking and admiring the gorgeous place we were in. We bought some Swiss
chocolate but honestly it tasted just like the toblerone that we have here in the states.
Italy was last. Venice, Florence and Rome. Here's my ranking in order of fav to least fav:
Rome
Florence
Venice
We were really surprised that we didn't enjoy Venice as much as we thought we would. Maybe we built it up too in our minds. The gondola ride was fun. We drank some Rosé and were serenaded by a little elderly Italian man as we rode through the narrow canal passageways. The floating city just wasn't my fav. It felt dirty and cramped and touristy. The most memorable part of Venice was sitting outside our hotel drinking wine with a couple we met from San Antonio. They were on the guided tour as well. We talked about kids and church worship and the military and Jesus and inlaws.
Florence was nice. A little more spread out. A little cleaner. We had our favorite gelato here from a place called Vivaldi's. mocha, chocolate ganache, coconut.
We ended our trip in the capital city of Rome. We finally had a good fresh thin crust pizza pie. We took a took tour of the city and it was a great way to see in the city in a non-touristy way. We saw the Coloseum, the Pantheon, Vatican City, St. Peter's bascillica, the Spanish steps, the Trevino fountain the Sistine Chapel and Michelangelo's frescos including the Last Judgment. Such a powerful work of art. We had some great Italian dinners our last night being extra special. We went off on our own and had an authentic 5 course meal. Complete with antipasto , pasta, meat, dessert and in its own course, wine. The sweets were my favorite part. Tiramisu anyone? We ended our last night wandering around the streets and sat on the Spanish steps for a while. That night, we didn't feel like tourists. We felt like we were out on a date, especially the beautiful city with all the locals. I'll always remember that last night with DR.
What a fantastic trip. Cherished memories with my husband. I'm so thankful we were able to go.
The most recent memorable happening was going to Europe for two weeks with DR. While there, DR kept an electronic journal of our trip. Our daily adventure mapped out step by step with name of places and people we saw and what the weather was like.
My experience of Europe is in my nostrils and taste buds , and in my eyeballs and on the edge of my fingertips and at certain times like a grip on my heart. The tastes, smells, sounds, and sights are what I remember and what I daily documented in my mind. In London, the dominant sense was sight. Everywhere you look- fantasticness. The Buckingham palace was larger and way closer to the public street than I imagined. The British guards were every bit as still and stoic as I thought they'd be. Wherever we went, the tip of Big Ben (which to the British is the Elizabeth Tower) never escaped my sight. It was my reference point (if ever I had one- DR would say I never did) of where we were. The hustle and bustle of the Covent gardens and Westminster area was exciting and Times Square-esque. And then the quiet and quaintness of Notting Hill and Bayswater was a refreshing escape for dinner on our last night. I never did order a London Fog although I knew what it was and that made me feel a little bit British. The pace of the Tube- London's metro system is intense. If you don't know where you're headed you betta step aside. Enter American tourists with Canon around neck and open map with deer in head lights look on face. Ok, ok that was usually just me. DR did a fantastic job of navigating when we weren't with our guided tour. I chuckled inside every time I heard "Mind the Gap" (the space between the metro edge and the tube) Oh, and our guide always said "Time to Toodle" when it was time to move on to a new location. Loved it.
Paris was a feast for the senses in every way. The steely Eiffel Tower, the clean white Arc de Triomphe, the wafting of sweet and savory crepes being sold along the street, the buttery croissants and homemade jam, the glimmering champs de élysées shopping street which every designer known to man, the seemingly "care-free-ness" of the people. Everything about Paris feels magical. On the first night we had creme brûlée- so good. We took a bike ride on our second day and it was such a fun way to see Paris. I loved moving at our own pace, wizzing through the streets and stopping to take pictures of gardens and monuments, getting a Nutella crepe, and putting a lock on the Pont des Arts or Pont de l'Archevêché bridge. (Can't remember which one it was) Read here about the lock. Aaah Paris, I love you. I hope to see you again in 4 years perhaps for our 10 yr anniversary or for our 20th. Either way, Lord willing, we will meet again. You bring the champagne and sweets, I'll bring the $$.
Switzerland was hands down the most beautiful place I'd ever seen. Neat and clean and shiny. I thought seriously about waking up at 5 and going for a run along Lake Lucerne but then I rethunk it when we stayed up until 12:30 wandering the streets just talking and admiring the gorgeous place we were in. We bought some Swiss
chocolate but honestly it tasted just like the toblerone that we have here in the states.
Italy was last. Venice, Florence and Rome. Here's my ranking in order of fav to least fav:
Rome
Florence
Venice
We were really surprised that we didn't enjoy Venice as much as we thought we would. Maybe we built it up too in our minds. The gondola ride was fun. We drank some Rosé and were serenaded by a little elderly Italian man as we rode through the narrow canal passageways. The floating city just wasn't my fav. It felt dirty and cramped and touristy. The most memorable part of Venice was sitting outside our hotel drinking wine with a couple we met from San Antonio. They were on the guided tour as well. We talked about kids and church worship and the military and Jesus and inlaws.
Florence was nice. A little more spread out. A little cleaner. We had our favorite gelato here from a place called Vivaldi's. mocha, chocolate ganache, coconut.
We ended our trip in the capital city of Rome. We finally had a good fresh thin crust pizza pie. We took a took tour of the city and it was a great way to see in the city in a non-touristy way. We saw the Coloseum, the Pantheon, Vatican City, St. Peter's bascillica, the Spanish steps, the Trevino fountain the Sistine Chapel and Michelangelo's frescos including the Last Judgment. Such a powerful work of art. We had some great Italian dinners our last night being extra special. We went off on our own and had an authentic 5 course meal. Complete with antipasto , pasta, meat, dessert and in its own course, wine. The sweets were my favorite part. Tiramisu anyone? We ended our last night wandering around the streets and sat on the Spanish steps for a while. That night, we didn't feel like tourists. We felt like we were out on a date, especially the beautiful city with all the locals. I'll always remember that last night with DR.
What a fantastic trip. Cherished memories with my husband. I'm so thankful we were able to go.
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Lately
Many exciting things going on in my life.
We booked our Europe trip that we have been dreaming of! June 11-22 we will be roaming the streets of Rome, Venice, Florence, London, Lucerne (Switzerland) & Paris. Excited is the understatement of the century! It makes it extra sweet because I haven't seen my beloved husband in 5 and 1/2 months.
But before that....
D.R. informed me that I can come to Hattiesburg, MS on May 10 and spend the weekend with him! He has to demobilize for 2ish weeks but they are allowing families to visit on Mother's Day weekend. So off to Hattiesburg I go. My first time staying in Mississippi. I should probably drink a mudslide while I'm there.
I'm like a 17 year old going on a first date- nervous. What should I wear to drive over to Hattiesburg? A dress? Something sporty and comfy (which is what I would usually travel in) Give me your advice! It's weird to think I haven't had a date with my husband since December 6th. Ugh, waaaayyyy too long ago. So ready to get my hands on him.
Bert & Becky (my inlaws) have graciously treated us to a weekend at the beach (Orange Beach, AL to be exact) for Memorial Day weekend. And while there, D.R. has treated me with Lady Antebellum/ Jana Kramer tickets at The Wharf. What fun!!! cowboy boots and a jeans skirt is going in that suitcase. :) I love the beach. I grew up there and was that kid that loved to play in the sand and bake in the sun for hours- fond memories of eating sandwiches and watermelons, looking for seashells, riding waves on my purple boogie board and burying my sister in the sand. The ocean is my happy place. I am beyond blessed to be able to go back to my hometown and literally walk .9 miles to the Atlantic. The Gulf will suffice but there is nothing like the clear, serene water and familiar, non-touristy beaches of the Atlantic coast in West Palm.
More recent...very recent, exciting news, I'M AN AUNT!
My sister gave birth to her first child, a son. (...and she wrapped him in swaddling clothes...haha)
Jaxson Richard Wesley Wragg was born at 12:22p.m. April 15, 2013. Weighing 6lbs 13oz. Healthy, pink, precious baby boy.
Pure Joy
Family of three :)
It's killing me not to be down in FL holding him, making Kirstie meals and loving on her. I will see them in June at a wedding in Nashville.
I started attending a new women's Bible study on Sunday. We are studying Titus. It's so great to be back in a women's study- and it's inductive!!! Such a rich, deep way to study God's word. I can feel my heart already being softened to His word. He is truly satisfying when we spend time with Him.
For those of you who have read previous blog posts, I am making strides with the excessive exercise habits. I've asked the Lord to remove the strong, compulsive desires to exercise hard in order to burn a sufficient amount of calories. I now exercise to get a good sweat and don't monitor oxygen consumed and energy consumed. That was a vicious treadmill that never satisfies. I've been wanting to take my scale to the dumpster for about a week now. I haven't brought myself to do it yet. Still weighing in pretty much daily. My action plan and I'm sure God's application to His word will confirm, that I need to do away with it. It's holding me in bondage to worldly things. Why is the world so dang enticing? Happiness is NOT found when you're rail thin. In fact, I think I look old when I get too skinny. Anyways...God's still working on me, but I feel Him working. Praise to the Lamb!
I'm meeting my mother in law in Atlanta this Saturday. We are going to take a Pure Barre class, have lunch, go to a movie & or shop and...of course... stop by Trader Joe's to stock up on the cheap treasures that Columbus, GA does not offer. (Organic virgin coconut oil? dark chocolate pomegranate arils? cookie butter? goats milk soap--->amazing!! skinny popcorn... I could go on) I'm looking forward to it. I always enjoy time with Becky. We laugh a lot. Mostly about the men in our lives. God love em. :)
Tomorrow is my sweet husband's birthday. He'll be 28. He is a wise, generous, hospitable, witty, romantic, thoughtful man. He provides for me, loves our dog a whole lot and teaches me daily about Jesus' love for me. He reminds me of the Truth when I'm believing lies (often). He is thee best gift giver. He breaks into song when things get tense which always makes me laugh. He is discerning and protects me in so many ways regarding that. He's got great lips. He makes great pancakes- like IHOP quality- I cannot accomplish that. He loves his family and is a loyal friend. I'm so blessed to be his wife. I love you honey!
Well the countdown is on people. 24 days until I see D.R.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And... just a random picture of us that I like... because I miss him like crazy.
happy wednesday friends.
God is good.
We booked our Europe trip that we have been dreaming of! June 11-22 we will be roaming the streets of Rome, Venice, Florence, London, Lucerne (Switzerland) & Paris. Excited is the understatement of the century! It makes it extra sweet because I haven't seen my beloved husband in 5 and 1/2 months.
But before that....
D.R. informed me that I can come to Hattiesburg, MS on May 10 and spend the weekend with him! He has to demobilize for 2ish weeks but they are allowing families to visit on Mother's Day weekend. So off to Hattiesburg I go. My first time staying in Mississippi. I should probably drink a mudslide while I'm there.
I'm like a 17 year old going on a first date- nervous. What should I wear to drive over to Hattiesburg? A dress? Something sporty and comfy (which is what I would usually travel in) Give me your advice! It's weird to think I haven't had a date with my husband since December 6th. Ugh, waaaayyyy too long ago. So ready to get my hands on him.
Bert & Becky (my inlaws) have graciously treated us to a weekend at the beach (Orange Beach, AL to be exact) for Memorial Day weekend. And while there, D.R. has treated me with Lady Antebellum/ Jana Kramer tickets at The Wharf. What fun!!! cowboy boots and a jeans skirt is going in that suitcase. :) I love the beach. I grew up there and was that kid that loved to play in the sand and bake in the sun for hours- fond memories of eating sandwiches and watermelons, looking for seashells, riding waves on my purple boogie board and burying my sister in the sand. The ocean is my happy place. I am beyond blessed to be able to go back to my hometown and literally walk .9 miles to the Atlantic. The Gulf will suffice but there is nothing like the clear, serene water and familiar, non-touristy beaches of the Atlantic coast in West Palm.
More recent...very recent, exciting news, I'M AN AUNT!
My sister gave birth to her first child, a son. (...and she wrapped him in swaddling clothes...haha)
Jaxson Richard Wesley Wragg was born at 12:22p.m. April 15, 2013. Weighing 6lbs 13oz. Healthy, pink, precious baby boy.
Pure Joy
Family of three :)
It's killing me not to be down in FL holding him, making Kirstie meals and loving on her. I will see them in June at a wedding in Nashville.
I started attending a new women's Bible study on Sunday. We are studying Titus. It's so great to be back in a women's study- and it's inductive!!! Such a rich, deep way to study God's word. I can feel my heart already being softened to His word. He is truly satisfying when we spend time with Him.
For those of you who have read previous blog posts, I am making strides with the excessive exercise habits. I've asked the Lord to remove the strong, compulsive desires to exercise hard in order to burn a sufficient amount of calories. I now exercise to get a good sweat and don't monitor oxygen consumed and energy consumed. That was a vicious treadmill that never satisfies. I've been wanting to take my scale to the dumpster for about a week now. I haven't brought myself to do it yet. Still weighing in pretty much daily. My action plan and I'm sure God's application to His word will confirm, that I need to do away with it. It's holding me in bondage to worldly things. Why is the world so dang enticing? Happiness is NOT found when you're rail thin. In fact, I think I look old when I get too skinny. Anyways...God's still working on me, but I feel Him working. Praise to the Lamb!
I'm meeting my mother in law in Atlanta this Saturday. We are going to take a Pure Barre class, have lunch, go to a movie & or shop and...of course... stop by Trader Joe's to stock up on the cheap treasures that Columbus, GA does not offer. (Organic virgin coconut oil? dark chocolate pomegranate arils? cookie butter? goats milk soap--->amazing!! skinny popcorn... I could go on) I'm looking forward to it. I always enjoy time with Becky. We laugh a lot. Mostly about the men in our lives. God love em. :)
Tomorrow is my sweet husband's birthday. He'll be 28. He is a wise, generous, hospitable, witty, romantic, thoughtful man. He provides for me, loves our dog a whole lot and teaches me daily about Jesus' love for me. He reminds me of the Truth when I'm believing lies (often). He is thee best gift giver. He breaks into song when things get tense which always makes me laugh. He is discerning and protects me in so many ways regarding that. He's got great lips. He makes great pancakes- like IHOP quality- I cannot accomplish that. He loves his family and is a loyal friend. I'm so blessed to be his wife. I love you honey!
Well the countdown is on people. 24 days until I see D.R.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And... just a random picture of us that I like... because I miss him like crazy.
happy wednesday friends.
God is good.
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
I'm normal, I think...
I think we as women think we're alone. I'm speaking to women, about women because that mostly who reads my blog. I think we sit and ponder things over and over that we aren't good at or shouldn't have done or wish no one knew about us when in reality, we all experience the exact same things.
In fact, I'm sure this is true. About 4 months ago, I had two girl friends from small group over for a movie & wine night. We didn't end up watching the movie. Instead we all shared a current struggle that we'd been having: desiring deeper relationships and feeling worthless (all three of us were unemployed at the time) Within minutes we were crying and laughing about how we were going through the same exact emotions but none of us wanted to share it with anyone because of insecurity. Boy are we insecure.
I often think I'm the only strange girl that, for example, gathers her shed hair up on the bathtub wall at the end of each shower, or doesn't always shower after a hard workout (I know, I know)or sings Taylor Swift's songs really loud in the car or looks back at her Instagram photos almost daily to reminisce.
Can I get personal? Sorry for any dudes that read this. I read recently from an M.D. gastroenterologist at the Mayo clinic that gum and especially sugar free gum can cause or exacerbate digestive distress. I have issues in this area for sure. Poor hubs. This M.D. says that the artificial sweeteners mannitol, sorbitol and xylitol are not absorbed by the intestines, which can lead to bloating as well as stomach upset and diarrhea." Chewing gum inadvertently makes you swallow air, which can make you gassy. I have laid off the artificial sweeteners in the last week and I can already tell a difference! This is legit! It's hard though. I do like my Dt. Pepsi, sugarfree gum, and splenda in my coffee. But I like a healthy digestive tract better! amen. Anyone else have this issue?
How about cleaning off the cutting board? EVERY time you slice two pieces of apple? are you kidding me? no, I do not do it. a little bacteria ain't gonna hurt no one. Am I normal here too?
Can anyone just eat one frozen Thin Mint cookie at a time? This girl says no.
How about feeling pressured to stray from your normal way of eating when you're out with friends. Example, if you typically eat healthy and everyone around you is ordering the fried, stuffed, bacon wrapped ________ for starters with the prime rib, garlic mashed potatoes and wedge "salad", do you feel like you shouldn't be "the healthy prude" who gets a salad or grilled chicken and veggies?
Or if you typically use eating out as a "no rules" thing and order whatever you want but you're with "oh I'll have the side salad with balsamic vinegar and chicken cooked in PAM spray" friends, do you hate yourself for ordering like a "fatty"? I know I can be influenced for sure. I'm getting better about just ordering for me and not for what other people think. Cause I'm the one eating it, right?
Anyways, spring has sprung in Columbus, GA, kindof. Do you wear white pants all year long? I do. I totally don't stick to that after Easter stuff.
I set my alarm to an odd time. Like 7:21. I don't know why, I don't like to wake up to "0" or "5" ending numbers. Weird.
If I ride 26.2 miles on my bike can I say I did a marathon? I think that'd be sweet. I'd buy the sticker.
I like books about theology, apologetics and the facets of God. I rarely read a fiction book or biography. Just don't like em as much. Except the Hunger Games. What's your favorite book currently?
I have passed by many a penny without picking it up. (dimes & quarters, no) But then, every time, I think "that's money. why didn't I pick it up?" I'm gonna change that.
I'm trying to cut back on caffeine but it is sooo hard. I'm only drinking one 8 oz cup in the morning. By 2:30, I'm desiring another cup but I've resisted almost completely since the new year. Caffeine & sugar are stinkin hard to stay away from!
I love to clean out my drawers but then it takes me forever to take the stuff to Plato's Closet or Goodwill. It will sit in a corner for weeks, even months. Sad.
I keep wanting to print some of my instagram and facebook pics but haven't sat down and signed up for Mpix to order some prints. Has anyone else used a program to do this that they recommend? I want printed photos. What if Facebook crashes one day? That's a heck of a lotta memories POOF gone!
I love food blogs and food shows but I cannot watch them late at night or I will clean out my pantry. I watch them at dinner time, while I'm eating. What's your favorite food blog or food show? Have you made any of their recipes?
Well that's enough random thoughts for one post. Happy Tuesday ya'll!
In fact, I'm sure this is true. About 4 months ago, I had two girl friends from small group over for a movie & wine night. We didn't end up watching the movie. Instead we all shared a current struggle that we'd been having: desiring deeper relationships and feeling worthless (all three of us were unemployed at the time) Within minutes we were crying and laughing about how we were going through the same exact emotions but none of us wanted to share it with anyone because of insecurity. Boy are we insecure.
I often think I'm the only strange girl that, for example, gathers her shed hair up on the bathtub wall at the end of each shower, or doesn't always shower after a hard workout (I know, I know)or sings Taylor Swift's songs really loud in the car or looks back at her Instagram photos almost daily to reminisce.
Can I get personal? Sorry for any dudes that read this. I read recently from an M.D. gastroenterologist at the Mayo clinic that gum and especially sugar free gum can cause or exacerbate digestive distress. I have issues in this area for sure. Poor hubs. This M.D. says that the artificial sweeteners mannitol, sorbitol and xylitol are not absorbed by the intestines, which can lead to bloating as well as stomach upset and diarrhea." Chewing gum inadvertently makes you swallow air, which can make you gassy. I have laid off the artificial sweeteners in the last week and I can already tell a difference! This is legit! It's hard though. I do like my Dt. Pepsi, sugarfree gum, and splenda in my coffee. But I like a healthy digestive tract better! amen. Anyone else have this issue?
How about cleaning off the cutting board? EVERY time you slice two pieces of apple? are you kidding me? no, I do not do it. a little bacteria ain't gonna hurt no one. Am I normal here too?
Can anyone just eat one frozen Thin Mint cookie at a time? This girl says no.
How about feeling pressured to stray from your normal way of eating when you're out with friends. Example, if you typically eat healthy and everyone around you is ordering the fried, stuffed, bacon wrapped ________ for starters with the prime rib, garlic mashed potatoes and wedge "salad", do you feel like you shouldn't be "the healthy prude" who gets a salad or grilled chicken and veggies?
Or if you typically use eating out as a "no rules" thing and order whatever you want but you're with "oh I'll have the side salad with balsamic vinegar and chicken cooked in PAM spray" friends, do you hate yourself for ordering like a "fatty"? I know I can be influenced for sure. I'm getting better about just ordering for me and not for what other people think. Cause I'm the one eating it, right?
Anyways, spring has sprung in Columbus, GA, kindof. Do you wear white pants all year long? I do. I totally don't stick to that after Easter stuff.
I set my alarm to an odd time. Like 7:21. I don't know why, I don't like to wake up to "0" or "5" ending numbers. Weird.
If I ride 26.2 miles on my bike can I say I did a marathon? I think that'd be sweet. I'd buy the sticker.
I like books about theology, apologetics and the facets of God. I rarely read a fiction book or biography. Just don't like em as much. Except the Hunger Games. What's your favorite book currently?
I have passed by many a penny without picking it up. (dimes & quarters, no) But then, every time, I think "that's money. why didn't I pick it up?" I'm gonna change that.
I'm trying to cut back on caffeine but it is sooo hard. I'm only drinking one 8 oz cup in the morning. By 2:30, I'm desiring another cup but I've resisted almost completely since the new year. Caffeine & sugar are stinkin hard to stay away from!
I love to clean out my drawers but then it takes me forever to take the stuff to Plato's Closet or Goodwill. It will sit in a corner for weeks, even months. Sad.
I keep wanting to print some of my instagram and facebook pics but haven't sat down and signed up for Mpix to order some prints. Has anyone else used a program to do this that they recommend? I want printed photos. What if Facebook crashes one day? That's a heck of a lotta memories POOF gone!
I love food blogs and food shows but I cannot watch them late at night or I will clean out my pantry. I watch them at dinner time, while I'm eating. What's your favorite food blog or food show? Have you made any of their recipes?
Well that's enough random thoughts for one post. Happy Tuesday ya'll!
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Razors, Almond Milk & James 4
So... my husband shaved his head. Yep, Kaci, he looks like Jay now. I'm not used to it yet. It's so....ARMY. :) But hair doesn't make the man and I love him and desire him just the same- full head of hair or shiny top. We'll be that old couple where he is bald and I'm one big wrinkle. Bring it.
So that's the razor part of my post. Oh and also related, I shaved my legs for the first time in.... quite a while. (I shave my arm pits regularly, no worries)
But I mean, really...
1. It's winter.
2. My husband is in Afghanistan.
3. I could care less.
I feel like I wanna go out on the town with my freshly shaven legs. Except the man I wanna stroll along the sidewalk with is 1,000s of miles away. :(
We are doing well. It's been almost a full 3 months apart from each other and God has used this time to make us truly thankful for what we have in the other. Champ got up in the recliner the other night. Just hopped up and plopped down. That's DR's seat. It was sad. A buddy of ours returned from Afghanistan a couple of weeks ago and him and his wife were in church today. I got a pit in my stomach when they walked in. It hurt bad to not have DR sitting in church with me. We sang one of my favorite songs, "Be Still My Soul". It always, always makes me cry. The words are so sobering.Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side. Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain. Leave to thy God to order and provide; In every change, He faithful will remain. Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend through thorny ways leads to a joyful end." They make you really think about what's important in this life and remember that we are made for the next life- the full, abundant, sin-free life. I can't imagine a day when I no longer get impatient behind the wheel or judgmental at the gym. Where every kind word will have 100% pure motive behind it. Nothing tainted by selfish thoughts. Only unadulterated joy and praise lived out because of our glorification and oneness with Jesus! Sigh.... A beautiful longing.
I have an unhealthy obsession with almond milk. I drink it like water; in my cereal, in a glass, in shakes, in my egg whites, in baking, in oatmeal, in sauces, in coffee, in hot tea. I stinkin love that stuff. If you haven't tried it, you must give it a shot. It's more pricey than regular milk but so much tastier- and better for you!!
I've been doing so much better in my struggle with weight/running. I haven't run more than 5 miles in the last two weeks and those have been walk/runs. I've gained a few pounds and honestly the Lord has quenched the desire to stay 105 "fit". Fit is not a number on a scale. That's still a struggle. I am stronger than ever. I am doing a lot of different work-outs. Constantly confusing my muscles so as to gain strength and tone. A mix of exercises have taken the place of long-distance running, for now.
I was reading James 4 today and of course, like all of God's Word, it was applicable to what I'm going through right now.
"What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions. You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. Or do you suppose it is to no purpose that the Scripture says, “He yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us”? But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded." James 4:1-8
I pray. I pray quite often actually. I ask the Lord for all kinds of things. But this verse reminds me that there is a wrong way to pray. I cannot ask God to give me what I want- especially when I know that what I want is an idol in my heart. That serving two masters thing doesn't work. He is a jealous God and will not allow competition. Thankfully. I have earnestly asked the Lord to take the desire to be "fit" (my twisted definition) and to be fertile at the same time. He is graciously answering the first and I'm so grateful. I put my scale on the top shelf of my closet instead of next to my toilet. Hopefully this will help me a great deal. I like to eat healthy and I like to eat chocolate everyday. It's a balance. Being unaware of my weight is freeing. I can enjoy food and enjoy exercise so much more!
Questions:
What's a food/drink you must have every single day?
What's your favorite cardio workout?
Is there something in your life that you have been selfishly asking God for?
So that's the razor part of my post. Oh and also related, I shaved my legs for the first time in.... quite a while. (I shave my arm pits regularly, no worries)
But I mean, really...
1. It's winter.
2. My husband is in Afghanistan.
3. I could care less.
I feel like I wanna go out on the town with my freshly shaven legs. Except the man I wanna stroll along the sidewalk with is 1,000s of miles away. :(
We are doing well. It's been almost a full 3 months apart from each other and God has used this time to make us truly thankful for what we have in the other. Champ got up in the recliner the other night. Just hopped up and plopped down. That's DR's seat. It was sad. A buddy of ours returned from Afghanistan a couple of weeks ago and him and his wife were in church today. I got a pit in my stomach when they walked in. It hurt bad to not have DR sitting in church with me. We sang one of my favorite songs, "Be Still My Soul". It always, always makes me cry. The words are so sobering.Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side. Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain. Leave to thy God to order and provide; In every change, He faithful will remain. Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend through thorny ways leads to a joyful end." They make you really think about what's important in this life and remember that we are made for the next life- the full, abundant, sin-free life. I can't imagine a day when I no longer get impatient behind the wheel or judgmental at the gym. Where every kind word will have 100% pure motive behind it. Nothing tainted by selfish thoughts. Only unadulterated joy and praise lived out because of our glorification and oneness with Jesus! Sigh.... A beautiful longing.
I have an unhealthy obsession with almond milk. I drink it like water; in my cereal, in a glass, in shakes, in my egg whites, in baking, in oatmeal, in sauces, in coffee, in hot tea. I stinkin love that stuff. If you haven't tried it, you must give it a shot. It's more pricey than regular milk but so much tastier- and better for you!!
I've been doing so much better in my struggle with weight/running. I haven't run more than 5 miles in the last two weeks and those have been walk/runs. I've gained a few pounds and honestly the Lord has quenched the desire to stay 105 "fit". Fit is not a number on a scale. That's still a struggle. I am stronger than ever. I am doing a lot of different work-outs. Constantly confusing my muscles so as to gain strength and tone. A mix of exercises have taken the place of long-distance running, for now.
I was reading James 4 today and of course, like all of God's Word, it was applicable to what I'm going through right now.
"What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions. You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. Or do you suppose it is to no purpose that the Scripture says, “He yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us”? But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded." James 4:1-8
I pray. I pray quite often actually. I ask the Lord for all kinds of things. But this verse reminds me that there is a wrong way to pray. I cannot ask God to give me what I want- especially when I know that what I want is an idol in my heart. That serving two masters thing doesn't work. He is a jealous God and will not allow competition. Thankfully. I have earnestly asked the Lord to take the desire to be "fit" (my twisted definition) and to be fertile at the same time. He is graciously answering the first and I'm so grateful. I put my scale on the top shelf of my closet instead of next to my toilet. Hopefully this will help me a great deal. I like to eat healthy and I like to eat chocolate everyday. It's a balance. Being unaware of my weight is freeing. I can enjoy food and enjoy exercise so much more!
Questions:
What's a food/drink you must have every single day?
What's your favorite cardio workout?
Is there something in your life that you have been selfishly asking God for?
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