Saying Goodbye

Friday, I kissed the love of my life goodbye for 6 months. D.R. is deployed until May to Afghanistan. He made it there safely (I talked to him today). So thankful. I can't describe all the emotions/thoughts I've experienced in the weeks leading up to Friday, December 7. Here are some of them:

"nights will be hard"
"does Champ realize he's leaving?"
"I can't stop staring at his face- I want to memorize it"
"...I'm gonna have to take the trash out"
"the bed is gonna seem so big"
"i won't wash dude clothes for 6 months"
"i will grocery shop for one"
"what's a premium? a Roth IRA? uh-oh, I need financial help"
"will he have any Christian friends in Afghanistan?"
"will I enjoy my independence?"
"I hope he's not scared."
"what if he doesn't come back?"
"am I supposed to be a widow at 28?"
"do I trust God?"
"God, will you keep him from temptation?"
"God, will you keep me from temptation?"
"I have to go to church alone."
"I'm going to have a lot of 'me' time."
"I don't like to call people."
"Will this be good for our marriage?"
"will he miss me?"
"I wish this day would slow down."
"You're in control, God."
"I'm afraid."
"These arguments are so frustrating."
"thank you for a sweet, intimate night."
"6 months of no sex..."
"6 months of no dates."
"6 months...."

We've known about this day for 7 months. It's here and although my heart is sad I am expectant of the Lord to do something great in our marriage. He is always working out all things for our good and so I know that this too is part of His good and perfect will. Help me trust you, God.

D.R. & I were able to spend a lot of time together in the past months. We took some great trips: Amelia Island, Key West, San Antonio, Panama City Beach, Myrtle Beach, Blue Ridge Mountains. I'm thankful for those memories.

My husband is precious. He sent me a letter an hour after I dropped him off (via email). He had written the letter a week prior. My chest was tight and the tears were flowing as I read how much he loves me and hates that he doesn't show it well sometimes. He said how this time apart will be for our good and make us thankful for each other. He recalled things he admired about me and gave me confidence that I could make it through this. He promised he'd be a better leader in our marriage. He apologized for his sin that hurts me and God. I was, once again, thankful to have a believing husband. I don't deserve it. God is good to care for me by giving me D.R.

I know that with God's love and our Christian community around us, we will make it through these months and love each other and the Lord more deeply.

I talked to my mother in law the other night and I told her that no matter what, our lives are about glorifying God and enjoying Him forever- whatever that means. I want to hold my dear husband with loose hands- because he is a gift. I pray the distance will be over come May but if it is not, if the Lord, in his sovereignty, has a different plan, I hope I can trust my Savior.

He is a good Dad.

He knows what I need.

He knows what D.R. needs.


He will take care of us.

The dangerous allure of the Gray

I recently watched Skyfall, the new 007 James Bond movie. I saw it twice actually cause it was that good. I love a good action-packed Daniel Craig movie! This one was especially thought-provoking. It seemed to have the theme "tradition" strung throughout it. James Bond is getting older and isn't as fit or sharp as he was in younger years. Plus, the new "management" wants out with the old ("M") and in with the new younger, fresher-faced crowd & ideas. A more hands off/technology approach rather than face to face combat as is tradition in Bond movies. M's character is always one of my favorites. She's hard on the outside but maintains a motherly, protective side for 007. She stands for justice and getting the job done no matter what the cost. Evil will not prevail.


All that to say, it got me thinking.... In our world today, we don't want to pick sides. We don't want to ruffle people's feathers. We want to avoid confrontation and patriotism to what we in our heart of hearts hold dear. For example: I witnessed (well, kindof eavesdropped on a convo), at Publix the other day between a woman whom I see at church (but don't know) and another woman. Theywere discussing their children's extra curricular activities (soccer, cheerleading, ballet) and then the woman whom doesn't go to our church started cursing up a storm talking about one of her daughter's coaches. F**ing this and D**m that. And to my sad surprise, the church woman was agreeing and nervously laughing along with her. My impression of the church woman was tainted from that happening but I thought, "wow, how often do I do that?".... Do I join in and "participate" in ungodly conversations b/c I'm too afraid to stand on the side of righteousness? Am I ashamed of the gospel? Now, this woman at my church may not be an unbeliever but in that moment she was acting as if Christ was not the Lord of her life. I was convicted and began to think about how many times I (without even realizing it till later) fall into those situations. It's not ok. It's not God-honoring. I can, very respectfully, say "you know, I don't think we should talk about so & so that way. It's not right." or just walk away.

This is just a small example of what I mean by "the dangerous allure of the gray". The Gray is the place that's comfortable. A place that strives not to offend anyone else and certainly not to put self in the hot seat. I think we, as believers, need to be aware of the devil's efforts to draw us into the "gray". I know in my life, I am tempted to downplay God's wrath and upplay His love. I think, "Oh Jesus (and my husband) will forgive me if I choose to spend 2.5 hours on myself today instead of cleaning the house." Boy, am I good at that one! Not that getting your nails done, exercising, or going to Starbucks to read are poor ways to spend your time but we all know when we are neglecting responsibilities that God has given us in order to feed our selfishness. Just last week, I had the vacuum out, coffee table pulled back onto the tile and everything off the floor- ready to vacuum my dog-hair covered house when.... "SQUIRREL"... I was distracted by a text message sound which sent me into texting mode then to Instagram mode, then to "I'll just check my email real quick" mode and before I knew it, it was time to head out the door for work. Chores neglected again. This is what the devil does. He makes you think that it's ok to just sit down for 5 minutes and instagram- or it's ok to eat that sleeve of cookies or it's ok to just look at one picture on the internet. A tiny trail of enticing morsels that leads to a steep drop off. Spiritual warfare is real. Sisters (and brothers), we need to be aware of where we are vulnerable to temptation and sin. Is it hanging around a certain person that always ends up talking about other people in a negative way? Is it standing in your pantry telling yourself you'll only have one cookie? Is it sitting at your computer when no one is home and spending your day away on social media sites or inappropriate sites? Where are you "prone to wander"?


In Skyfall, M's speech towards the end is one of the most relevant I've heard in recent hollywood movies. I think it's right on:

"Today I've repeatedly heard how irrelevant my department has become. Why do we need agents in the double O section? Isn't it all quaint. Well I suppose I see a different world then you do. And the truth is that what I see frightens me. I'm frightened because our enemies are no longer known to us. They do not exist on a map, they're not nations, they're individuals. Look around you, who do you fear? Do you see a face, a uniform, a flag? No. Our world is not more transparent now, it's more opaque. It's in the shadows. That's where we must do battle. So before you declare us irrelevant; ask yourselves - How safe do you feel?"

"The shadows", "the gray" is our vulnerable spot. That's where we must do battle against the great Liar, the devil. He would have us believe that it's ok to compromise here and there and before you know it, you're staring into the mirror at someone you never wanted to become. Don't allow him to win. Pray incessantly for our gracious heavenly Father to make you aware of your temptations. He is faithful to provide a way out, that you may stand up under them! God exists in the light. We must choose the light side every minute of every day. Not just in the morning when we walk up and read our Bible. But at the traffic light, when the cute guy next to you is smiling at you. Will you look away? Every decision matters. Every decision is an opportunity to please God or please Satan/self.

I pray that today you will choose the Light!!

smashing the idol of the scale

I wish I could take credit for this blog post but it's as if this woman is speaking straight from my heart. I'm not quite at the place where I can throw my scale away but I hope to get there. "God told me to share something that I don't want to. He never ceases to do things that surprise my feeble little human mind. I eat really well at home, but if I'm at a party or a dinner out with my husband, my rule is to eat and enjoy. And I do. After a few parties and events, ahem, :) I gained a couple lbs. I expected it. But you know what? Every morning I weighed myself, and it made me upset. Really, though, who really cares about 2 or 3 lbs.? I did. And I let it get to me. My morning weight often affected my emotions for the rest of the day. But one morning was different. I stepped on the scale as usual, scoffed at the number that wouldn't budge no matter what I did, and as I was getting ready for the day, God whispered this to me: Cast down your idol. Throw away your scale. A number on a plastic box doesn't deserve your emotions, your attention, your heart. It hit me like a ton of bricks. In the name of self-discipline, I've spent years entrapped by a number on a plastic box. I have spent years bowing down to my scale with my emotions. I let a number that tells me the effect gravitational force has on my body affect my soul. Does that sound ridiculous to you too? My heart started beating like crazy as I imagined a world free of even knowing what I weighed. Before I could shove the idea away, the Spirit helped me and I told my husband, "I think I'm going to throw away my scale." I told him how much I let it affect me {as if he didn't know...}. He told me he thought it was a good idea. When I came home from the gym later that week, the scale was gone. For the last month {and the first time in years}, I don't know what I weigh. It was only one little idol, but it had a big part of my life. Throwing out the scale was like cutting off my hand. I know it had become an idol in my heart. I know Satan had a stronghold in my life because of it. I sometimes still want to go get one and forget I ever took it out. That's how ingrained weighing myself was in my life. But God was gracious to me and let me see what it was doing to me. I don't like sharing about it, honestly. It's too personal, too close to home. I like to keep my heart to myself, especially when it gets uncomfortable. It was an idol I closely protected. But God is so much bigger than me. He knows what I can pretend is a good habit can be an addiction in my heart. What the world sees as self-discipline can be dangerous to my soul. Matthew 5:29-30 29If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. 30And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell. I can be healthy, I can lose weight or gain weight, and I don't need a number to tell me that's happening. I just want to encourage you, if you're struggling with this weight thing, don't let it become a stronghold in your life. It's not the weight that's important. It's the state of our hearts. Satan offers us the apple just like he did with Eve- it looks good to the eyes on the outside, but God knows what's behind it. If there is something like a scale in your life- something that seems good on the outside, but controls or affects the way you feel in a way that is not pleasing to God, cut it off. If Pinterest makes you lust after a life you don't and can't have, cut it off. If Facebook brings jealousy to your heart, cut it off. If Twitter makes you long to be part of a clique that you're not, cut it off. If you're a blogger and your stats control the way you feel every day, cut them off. Block that page from your browser if you have to. If you see someone who is prettier, or thinner, or better dressed than you, and you feel envy, stop looking. Take those thoughts into captivity. It is better that we lose social media and gain a few pounds than lose our souls. Who is our god? Does the one true God have all of our heart? What are we keeping back from Him? For me, it was my physical body. I wanted to control what I looked like. And He's still working on me. All.the.time. Walking with God is both the hardest and the easiest thing I've ever done. Getting rid of a scale was really hard for me. It would have been impossible two years ago. But God is so good, that He made it so easy. I wanted to do it. Because where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. The chains of sin are broken. We don't have to stay in them. We can be free in Christ. We can share our weaknesses, because He is God, and we are so desperate- so broken and in need of a Savior. What are your strongholds? What are your idols? Give God all of you, and I know He will take them out. He will smash them under His feet. We praise you God, for redeeming our hearts, and rescuing us from the chains of sin. Thank you Lord, that we can boast in our weaknesses because in them you are strong. We can trust in you! I would love to pray for you if you have something in your life that you know God wants you to cut off. He can do it sweet friends. He WILL do it if we ask!!! email me at mandy@ biblical homemaking .com. If you have something you're struggling with, chances are someone else is going through the same thing. If you are struggling, or God has done something in you, please feel free to share in the comments- praise Jesus, we have a community of sisters in Christ here that can rejoice and pray for each other! Living in Christ is a beautiful thing!

fill my tank, why don't ya?!

my love tank (language) that is. Mine being physical touch and a close 2nd: words of affirmation) D.R.'s is acts of service with a close 2nd: quality time. We went to a marriage conference a few weeks back put on by the chaplain at D.R.'s work. I was half thrilled and half "eh, really?" about going. D.R. was actually pumped about going; I think because it was initiated by his workplace and he was basically told he had to go (time off work!) It was in Panama City Beach, FL at a resort- not too shabby. Fully paid for and D.R. got paid time off. Ok Jesus, we're going. The main topics were on love and respect. I need to feel loved. He needs to feel respected. I know this is Biblical. I know this is true. Ever since we got back, I have noticed how much more D.R. loves on me when I do a few things, 1. look at him in the eye when he's talking to me. (not simultaneously do dishes, or check Instagram) 2. let him finish his point when we are in an argument/discussion and not interrupt. This has been really hard for me. I just want to refute things he says along the way that just aren't true but no matter how justified I feel in "speaking up", he still feels disrespected when he can't finish his thought. (and my sweet man can take a while finishing a thought. many analogies are needed) 3. have the house & myself cleaned up when he gets home from work. a lot of days I, ashamedly, stay in my work out clothes.... all day... because... I love them, and then I shower after dinner. I'm not the most pleasant thing to hug when he walks in the door; hair throw up in a still-wet-with-morning-sweat bun, 0 makeup, salty/sticky body. No good. I want my husband to actually DESIRE me when he gets home. Soooooo, I guess I should shower ahead of time. Don't hear me wrong, he loves me sweaty too :) but I would rather feel pretty for him even if it just means smelling fresh. 4. I need to stop disrespecting him with my eyes. Even if I'm not saying, "I don't respect you right now." I can sure communicate it with my looks of distain. How ugly! It's hard for me to put love and respect on equal playing fields. Everyone needs to be loved. Even men! Doesn't love mean anything to them. Yes, it does. But it takes it's most important form in how we show them respect. Ah, if I could just remember that each day. Respect to my husband is not a mushy card left on his truck. It's sitting shoulder-to-shoulder with him for a 3 and half hour football game while he explains every gosh darn play. I have a thankful husband. It's one of the things I love about D.R. Every night, he thanks me for dinner. He notices when his army undershirts have been folded and put away and he thanks me. He even thanks me for the measly amount of $ I make per week to contribute to our marriage. He is a thankful man and doesn't take the blessings we have for granted. D.R. is loyal. If he tells you he will do something, he will get it done. In college, he promised he'd be at my first dance show production (which I co-choreographed). It fell during a GA game that he, of course, wanted to watch but he came. AND, we weren't even talking. He had told me he had feelings for me and I didn't (at the time) reciprocate- so we parted ways as friends. It was hard. He came, that night, to see me dance- broken, rejected heart and all. I felt the size of a pea when I saw him. Loyal. D.R. is compassionate and generous. He sees needs around him and pours himself out. He often stays late at work, not because he's researching medications or refilling the medicine cabinets but because he is talking with a distressed soldier who is going through a divorce or having PTSD. He cares about people- body and soul. I really admire the work he does on Ft. Benning for our soldiers. It has definitely increased my respect for him. With all this said, D.R. still leaves me feeling dry and empty so many times. I feel so unloved and unnoticed sometimes and he just stares back at me like, "what's wrong? didn't I do good?" I am from mars. He is from venus. Or the other way around... We do not speak each other's love languages and we DO NOT fill each other's love tanks on a consistent basis. But when we do, life is good, I mean really good! When I am acting respectful, I EXPECT to be loved in return. This doesn't always happen. And vice versa. When D.R. is acting loving, I don't jump into respect mode necessarily. I'm reminded of 1 Peter 2:21-23 when it talks about how Christ exemplified doing your part even if others are not doing there's. Marriage is a 100:100(giving w/o expecting in return) ratio not 50:50 (you do your part, and I'll do mine) "For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps. He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly". If I could just keep my tongue on a leash when I feel wronged, I could save us from a night of hurt. But I usually don't. I'm prone to give some nasty retort and stir up his unlovingness and further disrespect him. The whole point being, and if you're married you know this, we need to respect our husbands whether or not we feel loved by them. Hard stuff my friends. Follow the great Lover of our souls, Jesus! He was reviled and unloved more than we'll ever know, and He did not revile back. What did he do? He kept entrusting Himself to his Father, the just judge. Also important, we need to recognize when our husbands are trying to love us in their own way and be appreciative.

Love is a choice. We love BECAUSE He first loved us. This is what spurs me on to love my sometimes un-lovable, un-respectable spouse. I have been unconditionally loved by my Savior. For this I am very thankful.

lovies

These are my lovies [things i love] lately: The cool breeze that hits my face as I walk out the door in the morning. Glorious! Dri-fit capri pants. I could live in those things. I have gotten fearless- I wear them to Publix, the post office, Target... even walked around the mall in them. ha! Pumpkin flavored things. Coffee, candy, cookies, muffins, creamer, mmmmm! I need to run to Publix and buy pumpkin pie spice to sprinkle on my cereal in the morning.. ooooo, are they still open? 31 Days of Grace Devotional book by MTW (Mission to the World). It's gotten me back on track meeting with my Savior in the morning. It's short but deep and so refreshing. There's nothing like morning God time. It sets me on the right path for the day. Instagram. Why oh why did I start? I'm 100% addicted. :) Running with Kaci Lesley & Madison Montgomery. I was getting burned out with running but since running with those 2 ladies, I have a renewed love for the simplistic sport. Kaci is full of life at 6:30 a.m., always filling my ear with fun stories and really... waking me up! She is a consistent woman. I have loved learning about her life as the wife of a music minister, as the director of Teen Advisors, and mother to one adopted precious little boy. And Madison, sweet, gentle, determined Madison. She's the strongest 18 year old I know. Both women inspire me in running and in life. Like training for a marathon (which they are both doing), life is about just keeping going with the little things- being faithful to the end. Even when it hurts, you know you must keep pushing through to receive the blessing. I hope I can train for a full marathon one of these years. The women in my church. I know you don't know these women but God does- and they are precious. Allison Ross, Susie Trammell, Kathy McGilberry, Bridget Adams, Bridget Bohannon, Brooke Douglas, Jolynn Morris, Betty Schuster, Marnie Reynolds, Alicia Newton, Liz Thorne, Dot Emerich, Margaret Sue Mosley, Alicia Mason, Cam Addison, Lea Moore, Juli Pope, Jackie Fleenor, Anna Rodeheaver, Diane McGowan, Dorothy Bryant, Sarah Zevak, Pilar Cobb, Kacky McLendon, Bess Kendrick-Holmes, I could go on. I have been missing out on getting to know these women. No more. I am determined to invest more time in women's lives- to get to know them and to BE KNOWN by them. That's hard for me. Trusting people with my crap. But we are made to live in fellowship- to bear one another's burdens and rejoice in joys together! Zumba music. I love it! I listen to it in my car constantly, 1) because I need to practice the dances in my head but 2) I just love the beats.... haven't a clue what they are saying as it is in espanol (ha!) but da-gone if my hips and shoulders are uncontrollable when that music is on! Fun stuff, my friends! I really can't wait to start teaching it! Cinnamon. I can't eat my cereal in the morning without it sprinkled on top. I loveeeeee cinnamon. Spicy, sweet, warm goodness! I can't wait to bake with it when it gets chilly outside. Mint mouth wash. I think you're only supposed to use it twice a day but I do it at least 3x. I have to keep myself from swallowing it. That's weird. Champ face. Just his cute face. I could look at it all day long. Watching football with D.R. I know, that's weird too. But it means a lot to him and I love seeing him so passionate about something. It's fun to celebrate victories with him. :) Well, that's about it. Happy Thursday! Get outside, Fall is creeping in!!

today's mercies are for today's troubles

I can definitely get anxious about the future. Lately, I've struggled with anxiety a good deal. Anxiety about being alone for 6+ months when D.R. deploys, anxiety about beginning a new career in personal training- will I get any clients? will I be helpful to them?, anxiety about starting up small group again- can I bear my soul to those people all over again this year? anxiety about thinking of being a parent one day- will I ruin my children, be cruel to my children, will I shut down when things get hard? Stop Danelle. Today has enough trouble of it's own. I forget that God has told me He will never give me more than His grace will sustain me with. God was so sweet to me this afternoon. I opened "A Godward Life" by John Piper (one of my favorite devotional books) to one titled, "Today's Mercies for Today's Troubles"..... Ok, Father I'm being still and listening... "Do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble" (author's translation of Matthew 6:34) Part of saving faith is the assurance that you will have faith tomorrow. Trusting Christ today includes trusting him to give you tomorrow's trust when tomorrow comes. Often we feel today like our reservoir of strength is not going to last for another day. The fact is, it won't. I know I feel this way mid-run. Especially on a long run, say a 12 miler. After 6 or 7 miles I think, "how am I going to run 12 miles again in two days?" But our reservoir is only full for today. Tomorrow it will be filled again- for that day. There's an old Swedish hymn, "As your days, so shall your strength be." is based on Deuteronomy 33:25 and it gives us this assurance that God will give the proportionate mercies each day. "Day by day and with each passing moment, strength I find to meet my trials here; Trusting in my Father's wise bestowment, I've no cause for worry or for fear. He whose heart is kind beyond all measure Gives unto each day what he deems best; Lovingly its part of pain and pleasure, mingling toil with peace and rest." I tend to despair when I think that I may have to bear tomorrow's load on today's resources. God wants me and you to know that we won't. Today's mercies are for today's troubles. Tomorrow's mercies are for tomorrow's troubles. The manna in the wilderness was given one day at a time. There was no storing up. That is the way we must depend on God's mercy. You do not receive today the strength to bear tomorrow's burdens. You are given mercies today for today's troubles. Tomorrow the mercies will be new!! "God is faithful, by whom you were called into the fellowship of his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord." (1 Corinthians 1:9) "Faithful is He who calls you, and He also will act!" (1 Thessalonians 5:24 author's translation)

How do you make decisions?

Decisions. Life is full of them. It's only 9:30a.m. and already I have made over 10 decisions this morning. What running shorts I should wear, what strength do I want my coffee, what color headband should I choose, to floss or not to floss?, get gas before my run or after, Dunkin Donuts or Starbucks coffee?, call mom now or later, dinner with a friend tonight?..... Our choices matter but they don't define us. Our choices have consequences but if we are believers, we know that God "works all things for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose". We can rest in that truth. But decisions are hard sometimes. With my husband's impending deployment this fall, I've had to decide whether to go down to Boynton Beach near my parents or stay in Columbus. Either choice seems positive. After making a t-chart (suggested by my type-A hubby) and laying out pros/cons, it seemed I wasn't any closer to making a decision. We also met with our pastor to get his advice. Which was, to make a decision, stick with it and if after a few months you decide it was the wrong choice, change locations. I think D.R. & I have approached decision-making in a "pray until you feel a peace about one way or the other" then move forward. Which has been a decent way to approach things. But after talking about this process with a few close friends, I got some great Biblical advice. Feeling "peace" isn't always a great indicator of what's right. Waiting on a feeling is dangerous and never an elusive way to go. While I do believe that God gives us peace about trusting in Him, I think waiting on the peace isn't a pre-requisite to proceeding forward. One friend shared that when he and his wife were praying about whether to go to seminary or medical school, he didn't ever "feel a peace" about either path. Rather, an older mentor told him, "look for a parade of providence". Meaning, God will open and close doors along the way and this is a great way to know where He's leading you. This was such helpful advice. After my friend made the decision to proceed towards medical school, he still didn't "feel" peace (shoot, he starts tomorrow and he's scared as crap!) but he took a step in that direction and is trusting that God has opened this door and will guide him from there. That's what faith is! I think I needed a reminder of what it means to step out and have faith. To relinquish control and say, "God, I'm walking down this path trusting that You have ordained it. Turn me around if I'm going the wrong way." So this is my new approach to making big life decisions. And awesomely enough, the Lord has opened a door here in Columbus, GA work-wise. I have the opportunity to work for/with a Christian fitness professional who is opening her own studio/gym in a few months! I will be part of her brand new staff! At first teaching Zumba, and eventually personal training. I feel so blessed to be able to work with a fellow believer (a few actually) and be involved in the fitness industry; something I've been passionate about for so long. So I feel this is an open door that God has put in front of me... so I'm walking through, trusting that He will guide me. "Faith: being SURE of what we hope for and CERTAIN of what we cannot see. Without faith it is impossible to please God, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him." Hebrews 11:1,6

Faith is a funny thing. It's hard to sit still and ask yourself, "do I have faith?" because you don't realize you have faith until you exercise it. As A.W. Tozer says in "The Pursuit of God", "Faith is the least self-regarding of all the virtues. It is by its very nature scarcely conscious of its own existence. Like the eye which sees everything in front of it and never sees itself, faith is occupied with the Object upon which it rests and pays no attention to itself at all. While we are looking at God we do not see ourselves- blessed riddance. The person who has struggled to purify him/herself and has had nothing but repeated failures will experience real relief when she stops tinkering with her soul and looks away to the perfect One. While she looks to Christ, the very thing she has so long been trying to do, will be getting done within her. It will be God working in her to will and to do." What are you struggling to have faith about in your life?