Two weeks ago, I went with our youth on a missions trip to St. Louis, MO. I have been on American mission trips before- every summer of my high school years in fact, so I thought I knew what was in store. I knew we would be tutoring inner-city children, working on people's homes and leading a kids club/VBS. I knew we would hear speakers each morning and evening. I knew we'd be in tight living quarters with one or two bathrooms shared between 28 people. I expected it to be convicting and for God to do things in my heart but He did so much more than that. So here's a rundown of what the trip was like.
We woke up every morning at 6:00am for breakfast. Packed our lunches and had a quick morning devotion before heading off to the church (New City Fellowship) for morning session & tutoring. We tutored children ages 4-17 from 9:30am-12:30pm. We then had lunch with the kids (most days) and then headed off to our work projects. These ranged from intense/dangerous to mild and heart-warming. One group took off an old roof and put down a new one(with only one injury to report! a nail in a foot-- tetanus shots were in tact, no worries) Another group pruning vegetables at a farm and plowed/weeded. Another group (mine) painted a widow's back porch and re-tiled her bathroom. Another group took down lots of mirrors from inside an old house. Another group sat and drank hot tea with elderly widows. A wide assortment of afternoon ministry! We did these projects from 1:30-4:00 and then had a break until 5:30. We ate dinner at the church each night and then headed off to Kids club/VBS. We split our group up and went to two locations- one at a local park and one at an apartment complex's courtyard area. Both were in the urban part of town. This was from 6:45-8:30pm. We sang songs, made a craft, had a snack and heard about the gospel through the story of Jonah. As you can imagine, we were all exhausted by the end of the day.
We took 23 kids and 5 leaders on this trip. All white/caucasian, "southern", upper/middle-class kids; the majority believers (ok, we had one French kid but he was definitely in the same description box). We have a very smart,strong group of teens. At our church we teach theology early on and most of our kids can recite the shorter catechism. (no, probably not) but seriously, they know the deep implications of Ephesians 2 and Romans 9. (Salvation by grace alone and God's sovereign choice in election) They are very grounded on gospel issues and can argue with the best of them. The NCF group was impressed with the Biblical knowledge of our group and felt challenged and encouraged.
This is Anjana Diyali, a Nepali girl who came to our Kids Club at night.
One of the central visions of NCF is racial reconciliation among the different communities in St. Louis. Their church mission is this: "To seek the establishment of God's kingdom rule in the hearts of people from every ethnic group by discipling the nations in the reconciling Gospel of Jesus Christ through a clear proclamation of salvation by grace through faith in Christ alone and by doing Spirit-led deeds of justice and mercy." St. Louis is now home to many refugees. I didn't know that the people I would be spending the most time with were refugees from Nepal and Burma. People who were forced to flee their country for political/religious reasons and placed in different American cities across our country. The group I worked most closely with was the Nepali community. (a country on the very north edge of India) Precious, precious people. Very hospitable and generous. Each night at kids club, they would invite us in to their small, run-down apartment and offer us whatever food they had (even though we had just come from dinner). They would let us hold their babies and play with their older children. So free, so giving, so trusting. So....non-American. I was gripped with the fact that I, a white American girl, have so much fear of other cultures. I fear I would never invite a black or Indian or Asian family into my house for a meal and let them play with my children. It was freeing to let God peel off the racist scales from my eyes. Throughout the week, I found myself convicted over little things that used to be second-nature. Like locking the door while riding through "the ghetto". When on our way to work projects one afternoon, Rhoda, the black intern from NCF was riding with us. We were riding through a part of town which was dominantly black so my instinct was to push the "lock" button. I thought about how it would make her feel and I felt uneasy about doing it- so I didn't. Not that I wouldn't have if I was by myself, but her being in the car... I felt she could've taken offense to it. There is nothing wrong with being safe and wise but my heart at that moment was not thinking "be safe", it was thinking "black man=danger" and that is wrong. All men are sinful and capable of evil. Why should I fear a black man more than a white man? Little things like that happened all throughout the week- revealings of my fearful, racist heart. It was so sad and yet so good of the Lord to convict me.
We had some really serious talks about who Jesus is and what living as a Christian looks like. She is an intelligent, kind girl.
I thought about my life. I live in the suburban part of town. I go to an all-white PCA church, I work at a private, Christian, basically all-white school, and I teach dance to all white ballerinas. I have zero interaction with any other race unless it's the clerk at Target or the waitress at my fav sushi joint. I live in a white bubble inside of a very cultured city. If I am not deliberate about it, I will never have a friendship with a black woman or an asian woman or an indian child. I can float through my life communing with caucasians only and I know that I would still go to heaven because I am saved by Christ's finished work on the cross. by grace alone, through faith alone.. & the rest of the Solas. I believe them. I'm not saved based on the merit of my good deeds (of my amount of mission trips). But I am God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus, FOR good works WHICH He prepared in advance that we should walk in them. (Eph.2:10) It's the overflow of gratitude for what Christ did for me on the cross that compels me to love other races and cultures. It's not natural. It's intentional and supernatural. Since going on this trip to St. Louis there is more of an urgency in me to love other races. To be involved in their lives. Maybe... to do life with them. But what does this look like? This is what I am praying about- what does God want for D.R. & I concerning racial reconciliation? And what is it that needs to be reconciled? I mean, I like black people. I like Asian, Hispanic and Indian people. But do I like them enough to do life with them? I don't know. Would I be willing to relocate to the urban part of town? To shop at their grocery stores? to send my children to inner-city schools? to have play dates with their children? I don't know if God is calling us to this, but I do know He's set my mind to think deeper about these issues. He has reminded me how He loves. "The Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we beheld His glory as of the only begotten from the Father, full of grace and truth." Jn 1:14 Jesus was fully God when He was fully man yet He didn't commute back and forth to heaven. He dwelt among us. The poor, the needy, the sojourner. He felt our pain, shared in our suffering. He did life with us. This convicts me. Like I said, I'm not sure where the Lord will take my husband and I in the following years. The gospel can be lived out among any race and God receives glory in a million different ways. We just have to pray and listen for His leading in our lives.
A few passages of scripture that God showed me over the trip was Deuteronomy 24 & Leviticus 19 which both say, regarding our finances, (in summary),
"You shall not pervert the justice due to the sojourner or to the fatherless, or take a widow’s garment in pledge, but you shall remember that you were a slave in Egypt and the LORD your God redeemed you from there; therefore I command you to do this."When you reap your harvest in your field and forget a sheaf in the field, you shall not go back to get it. It shall be for the sojourner, the fatherless, and the widow, that the LORD your God may bless you in all the work of your hands. When you beat your olive trees, you shall not go over them again. It shall be for the sojourner, the fatherless, and the widow. When you gather the grapes of your vineyard, you shall not strip it afterward. It shall be for the sojourner, the fatherless, and the widow. You shall remember that you were a slave in the land of Egypt; therefore I command you to do this."
2 Corinthians 5:17-21 "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God."
I'm learning to do this in small ways: smiling more at people, calling the waiter/waitress/cashier by their first name. This is "Christ" to people. We love because He first loved us.
That is all.
Sounds like a an experience where you learned a lot about yourself...I have thought the same things many times. We are all so racist but as John Piper would say we need to "Make war" on ourselves because it is fighting our own sin which is the cure and nothing else...we are our own worst enemy.
ReplyDeleteWow. Thank you for sharing so honestly what is on your heart, how God is changing and molding you.
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